40+FAB Blog

Being good at what you do will get you noticed, but being great at what you do will get you attention. The question is what do you do with that attention?
There is a very important ingredient that takes a great craftsman from notoriety to prominence, and that is the skill of getting recommendations from the right people.

It’s not enough to be good or great at what you do. You need someone to point you out. If you produce quality at a level fit for kings, then the onus lies on you to make it available in the circle of kings. Your skill will get you to at least one person who has the ears of the king. One king will get you into the circle of kings.

My business mentor advised me as follows, “Whenever you have spoken with a client or someone who is impressed by your offering, always ask them, “Who else do you know that I need to be talking to?””

I can’t tell you how powerful that singular question is in getting you into the circles where your service is meant for. Don’t only focus on what you do, spend some time to hone the skill of getting the recommendation.

40+FAB Blog

I am sure you have heard of the analysis paralysis syndrome where people tend to get into a maze of playing out options of how a proposed pursuit may turn out. Others call it overthinking a thing and therefore not taking action.

I find that the problem with analysis is not the analysis itself, but the input and premise to that analysis. We all have access to loads of information to make an analysis, but some people get more out of their analysis than others.

For analysis to be effective a few things must be in place.
1. Analysis should only begin after you have made a decision to do something and it should help validate that decision
2. You must be asking the right questions from the right sources
3. A lazy mind will never follow through because analysis is hard work
4. Analysis should be done in stages or iteratively, and at each stage action must be taken to prove the outcome of the analysis of that stage

I decided to start a business in fashion because I had an idea. I began by asking “is it a good idea?” That question led me to do some analysis and seek people with good knowledge in the fashion space. When my analysis was complete and the idea was validated as a good one, I moved on to the next phase. This time the question was “How can my design compete with world class luxury items?” Analysis was done and based on results, I partnered with a design company. Then, I asked a next question and so forth until I now have a physical product ready for the market.

One gets into analysis paralysis when they haven’t made a decision or don’t ask the right questions or try to do too much at once or frankly are just procrastinating. On the other hand, some have jumped very foolishly ignoring analysis because they felt it was a waste of time, but this could largely be because they didn’t know how to do it right.

The problem with analysis is usually not with analysis but with the one analysing. Practise how to analyse the right way and see if it doesn’t make a positive difference for you.

40+FAB Blog

There is no better scenario to understand the concept of a promise and trust than in that of a parent and a child. We have all been in the place of a child and maybe a parent, therefore are familiar with how a child hangs on to every promise that their parent(s) made.

You will also be familiar with the devastating blow of a broken promise and how it seemed to cripple you on the inside. How you waited for that person to come, or for that gift to be delivered, or that trip to be taken, and it never happened. You did not even get an explanation as to why and life just moved on as if the promise was never made, yet somewhere inside, you are still waiting. Many children, now adults are still stuck at that place where the expectation of a promise was never resolved.

As we get more understanding of life, we realise that humans are not infallible and things happen that make the best intentions impossible to carry out, but as much as lies within our power, we have to be consistent with what we commit to. It should only ever be the exception that we break our word to those waiting for us. If we are unfortunate to do so, we must let them know why we couldn’t, and then bring a resolution or closure to the promise so that they cease waiting for us, and probably learn the lesson that there are disappointments in life.

So what promises have you made to your family, colleagues, clients, customers, friends or even to yourself? I frequently remind myself of the commitment and promises I have made and work the best I can to fulfil them, knowing that those that trust me are waiting for me, and I don’t want to keep them waiting.

40+FAB Blog

There is a subtle error in our aspirations to be like some great person. You would have heard comments in the press comparing someone with rising potential to someone widely respected by all. “Could he be the next Winston Churchill?” they would ask. If you look closer to home and what your parents told you or what you told yourself, you would find aspirations to be maybe like Mother Theresa, or Marcus Garvey, or Michael Jackson, or whoever you consider to be your hero.

The problem with that thinking is that each human being is unique and there can only ever be one version of a person, everything else is an attempted copy. We must question our aspirations when we look to be the next great one.

Are we really seeking greatness or fame? Fame is what we do for ourselves, acquiring attention and popularity to be well known or liked – the social media influencer generation. Greatness is born out of what we do for others, it is our donation and contribution to our world.

You will find a lot of famous people who have no notable contribution to life and you could easily tell the person they have copied. You will however find, not too far from a great person, their contribution to the world.

In the words of Martin Luther King Junior, “Everyone has the power for greatness, not for fame but greatness, because greatness is determined by service.”

We can and should by all means be inspired by the great, emulating their noblest character and values that made them who they were, but the pursuit to be them is actually a pursuit of fame and not of greatness as it robs us of our ability to give our own unique contribution to our world.

40+FAB Blog

I am sure you must have come across the phrase “help me to help you”.
It is particularly funny when it is used in a comedy sketch where it is apparent to everyone that the person who needs help is unaware or unwilling to let go of what is harming them even when it is pointed out by the one who can help them.

From that point of view, we somehow believe that when we offer help, it is for the benefit of the one we are helping. I would say that this is only somewhat true because when we reach beyond ourselves to invest in another human being, we are actually reaching out to ourselves also.

Life lived alone in isolation and devoid of human interaction is stripped of the ability to attain maximum impact and fulfilment. As leadership guru John C. Maxwell puts it, “One is too small a number to achieve greatness. No accomplishment of real value has ever been achieved by a human being working alone.”

When you extend yourself to help another, you are joining forces with them to achieve an outcome greater than what each person would have been able to achieve alone. You gain fulfilment, you feel connected, you experience refreshing. These things are essential for the nourishment of your being.

So the next time you come across someone who needs your help, remind yourself of this “I will help you to help me”.

40+FAB Blog

I learnt that one of the best ways to heal from hurts is to learn lessons from the situation and use those to focus on growth and forward momentum. If we get stuck in thinking about what has happened to us, we can become immobilised in painful feelings and memories. If you don’t let it go, you might stagnate while the other party moves on making great strides which may upset you even more.

Here are a few tips on what to do if you find yourself in that position.

• You have to kill negative thoughts that come in questions like, “What’s wrong with me?” “How did this happen to me?” Counteract them with positive affirmations like, “This is a great opportunity to start over the right way and with the right people”.
• It’s ok to allow yourself to grieve, be angry, disappointed or sad. Acknowledge how you feel, express those feelings and then put them behind you as you look to the future.
• Share your experience and your pain with those close to you. Don’t bottle it up, be free to talk about it as you process your emotions.

Above all, choose to forgive because this is for your own good. Holding on to it will cause you to be eaten up from the inside. Not forgiving has been likened to drinking poison and expecting the person who hurt you to be harmed by it. Letting it go will free you both inside and out.

40+FAB Blog

At the discovery of that man or woman of your dreams, there was an anticipation to know them better. This led to several plans of how to spend time with them, like on calls, over a meal, at the movies, for a walk or drive, basically any avenue to get to know them better.

Once we settle down with that partner, there is a subtle tendency to begin to take them for granted. As the years roll by, the challenges of life get in the way and what was once a fiery romance begins to turn cold, we could even begin to despise the one we once professed love to.

Marriage counsellors will always talk about the importance of keeping the relationship fresh by improving knowledge of each other, borrowing the concepts of dating helps to do so, like at the beginning of the relationship when the sparks were flying.

Relationships start with conversation and anticipation to discover a person. That conversation, that anticipation, never has to stop. We just need to create ways in which we can continue practicing them.

A lifetime is too short to know all there is to know about any one person. So the next time you are tempted to take your special one for granted, remind yourself that the best to know about them is still to come.

40+FAB Blog

I love this quote by American actress Tina Lifford, “When you know yourself you are empowered, when you accept yourself you are invincible”.

Think of someone you met who captured your attention and raised your curiosity to know them a little better with the hope of an ensuing relationship. Now have you ever thought to focus on yourself to know yourself better?

Sometimes we are in a place of self-hate where we are not willing to come to terms with who we are and where we are in life. We avoid ourselves and preoccupy our mind with things to distract us. Self-hate is the worst thing we can do to ourselves as this opens up the door to all kinds of negative thoughts and emotions which quench our ability to shine in life.

Rather than self-hate, we should self-date, this is where we create an anticipatory atmosphere to really get to know ourselves better. We must approach ourselves with graciousness and the willingness to forgive self.

Don’t stand in the way of your own fulfilment in life, don’t be your own saboteur, avoid being your worst enemy. Don’t only settle to know yourself, but strive to accept who you are as that will be the point where you unlock great power.

40+FAB Blog

With every type of event in life, there will always be at least two sides of the story or how that event was reported. It is very important for you to own your story and to tell it as accurately as you can. Our stories, our context, has the power to influence others in a way that brings them to the reality of who we are or the content we possess.

You cannot afford to leave your context to chance. The same way you keep your money in a reputable bank or you trust your life to a seasoned surgeon, the stories that represent you should never be left to fate.

So, who controls your context? Are they representing you in the right way? Are you at their mercy or do you have a strong say in defining your context?

There is an African proverb that is said as follows, “Until the lion learns how to write, every story will glorify the hunter.”

Think back over the years to your career, marriage, parenthood, citizenship etc. Were you in control of your narrative or was someone else in charge?

We all have a story to tell, and no one can tell our story better than we can. Let us take action and win back our context, control our stories and represent our content for what it is.

40+FAB Blog

Content is a potent thing, it is real, factual, and actual substance that can be handled, used or experienced. No matter how great content is, it however exists within a context.

Context is the circumstances that form the setting for an event, statement, or idea, and in terms of which it can be fully understood. This means that all content will also be understood in the light of context.

The problem with context is that it can be very subjective and easily manipulated or skewed in the direction of the one setting it or it could be misunderstood by the one receiving it.

When marketing a product like cigarettes for instance, the content has nicotine which is desired by the consumer, but there are also harmful side effects of smoking. For a long time, marketers created a context around that content that made people associate smoking with being cool and successful.

We also could have great content in our character or the products, services and ideas we have, but if the context that has been set is not great, then the world will not be able to successfully interact with our content which will be out of context.

Don’t let your content be out of context, but rather, make every effort to get content and context on the same page.