The declarations people make sometimes which present them as obnoxious might just be their way of verbalising their positive self talk, and sometimes it’s only really said for their benefit and not necessarily for the judgment of those that heard them.

You would have seen this a lot in American sports where contestants really big themselves up, it’s called psyching yourself. The boxing legend Mohamed Ali was an expert at doing this.

Some people on the other hand are of a different persuasion and would hardly say much but expect the talking to be done by their competence in the field of play.

Whichever category you fall into, you should understand the importance of self talk whether it is said to the hearing of everyone, or it is whispered to yourself in the privacy of your own space. Psychologists agree that an individual will never outperform their self image, and self image can be easily identified by self talk.

What have you been saying to yourself? What have you been saying about yourself? Have you found other peoples self talk a bit provocative to you?

Whatever your answers, it’s high time to get your head, heart and mouth into the business of self talk. Lock out the external sounds and find the place within yourself where you can confidently shout out, I too say I can!

40+FAB Blog

Lessons from the stone soup

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

September 22, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

From the story of the stone soup I shared the last time, we can draw out some lessons.

One can create anticipation and get people, who would never have been in the same room, to come together and produce something great that will benefit everyone who was involved.

The one who is allowed to create anticipation could do so either from a noble motive or a selfish one. It is a noble motive when they enable everyone to serve for the good of all, and it is a selfish one when people are galvanised to purely serve the ambitions of the one who brought them together.

There is power in a noble vision and in people coming together to achieve more than an individual could. We should therefore never allow this truth to go on our back burner such that we are left labouring in our silo’s. When we do, we leave a gap which will be filled by the one making a stone soup, and they could either have a noble motive or a selfish one. Why leave yourself open to a 50-50 chance when you can have a 100% guaranteed by doing what you know is right?

Sometimes you need to create the placebo effect, by starting the soup with a stone, where people are not open minded and need a little unconventional encouragement to do what is needed.

Vision and leadership require you to be prepared with many types of tools to help people come together and get the right results.

40+FAB Blog

Power of anticipation

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

September 21, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

Have you ever heard the story of the stone soup? There are many variations of it, but the general gist of it goes like this;

Some travellers came to a village, carrying nothing more than an empty cooking pot. Upon their arrival, the villagers are unwilling to share any of their food stores with the hungry travelers. Then the travellers went to a stream and filled the pot with water and a large stone then placed it over a fire. One of the villagers becomes curious and asked what they were doing. They answered, “we are making stone soup, which tastes wonderful and would be delighted to share with you, although it still needs a little bit of garnish, to improve the flavour.”

The villager anticipated enjoying a share of the soup, so did not mind parting with a few carrots which were added to the soup. Another villager walked by, inquiring about the pot, and the travelers again mentioned their stone soup which had not yet reached its full potential. The villager handed them a little bit of seasoning. More and more villagers walked by, each adding another ingredient. Finally, the stone (being inedible) was removed from the pot, and a delicious and nourishing pot of soup was enjoyed by travellers and villagers alike.

The one that has the ability to create anticipation will be able to garner resources and galvanise people to produce something great out of seemingly nothing. Where do you need to add anticipation to your strategy? Give it some thought and go back with the power of anticipation where doors have previously been shut.

40+FAB Blog

The one thing

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

September 20, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

Sometimes you hear there is one thing needed to clinch success in one area or another. However the reality is that there are usually a series of steps that need to be taken to get there. This could create a little bit of confusion because it is easier to focus on one thing and stick to it than to follow many things, and then how does one know what needs to come first in the series of steps to be taken?

When I got to university, the word prerequisite became a big part of my experience. A prerequisite course was one that needed to be completed first before moving on to another related course. So I had to take mathematics 101 and pass it before I would be allowed to enrol on maths 201. Some students who dropped certain prerequisite courses were unable to graduate when it was time because those courses formed a crucial part of their overall degree. They were made to take those courses before they could be certified as completing their degree.

In order to progress and be successful, let’s look at it this way, there is one thing that you need to do now which forms a foundation and is a prerequisite to the next thing that needs to be done. Your success will not come as a result of that one thing alone, but if you do not do that one thing, then you may not have what it takes to be successful on the next thing that needs to be done.

If you don’t master digging the soil, then how can you plant the seeds? If you don’t master planting and caring for the seed, then how can you reap a harvest? If you don’t master responsibility and accountability with yourself, then how can you successfully lead others? If you don’t master spending less than you earn on a meagre salary, then how can you control great wealth? The list could go on and on.

The one thing you need to do is the one thing that you need to do at any point in time which qualifies you to do the next thing and then the next thing and so forth, until you arrive at a place of success.

40+FAB Blog

Plan for fun

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

September 19, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

Can planning and fun really be in the same place? When we think about fun, we usually think of something spontaneous that we kind of roll into at the end of a working day or at the start of a non working day.

Recreation should form a good part of our lives and just like we make time to eat and sleep, we should pay adequate attention to time for fun. Leading thinkers in the area of children development and education all agree that the element of play is very important to the process of learning.

I recently went on a training where the instructor emphasised the importance of applying a playful imagination to our learning as this is how we learned so much in our childhood. Have you noticed that some of the learning that stuck with you the most were those that related to something playful or fun.

Our learning never stopped when we became adults, and this is one great reason we must continue to engage in fun activities that stir up our playful imagination which facilitates learning.

Make time for fun and release that inner child in you as you explore the world in new and imaginative ways which serious thinking and work may not allow.

40+FAB Blog

The seed of opportunity

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

September 18, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

Most times opportunity doesn’t come all dressed up in bright colours singing and dancing right in your face. They come in a form that can almost be overlooked, just like a seed. A seed needs to be taken and planted, then with nurture and patience it grows and produces multiples of itself.

That process is not one of luck but more of following through. I had an idea about two years ago which I could have overlooked, but in hind sight I can see that it was an opportunity. By nurturing the idea, talking about it with others and doing what it took to bring it to reality, I have partnered with design agencies, got sponsorship from Virgin Start-up, met celebrity designers, been exposed to a whole string on new ideas, and a host of other connections have opened up to me. All this probably would not have happened if I never worked on that small seed of an idea that was an opportunity to create a great product.

Do you recognise opportunity when it comes? Do you take note of the little things that could lead to big outcomes? Do you take the opportunity to serve others when a need arises? Do you stand in for someone else who is unable to make it to their duty post?

Don’t overlook the simplest of chances that present themselves, for in them could be the seed of a great opportunity.

40+FAB Blog

Tough days

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

September 17, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

One of the best lessons we can learn is how to hold ourselves together when we are going through a really tough day.

The real strength of your character, who you are, is not revealed at the best of times, but actually at the worst of times. It is said that if you squeeze a sponge, whatever is in it will come out.

What comes out of you when you are put under pressure or tested to the limit? That is what reveals the real you. You need to practice over and over again what you will be on the tough days.

Check out how others you respect react on their though days, observe what is wrong about buckling under pressure when in the lime light. Visualise how you would react in those situations, ask yourself questions, ask others questions. Practice doing what you have learnt on a daily basis.

Going through this exercise gives us a better chance of surviving and coming out on top of our tough days.

40+FAB Blog

Small simple steps

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

September 16, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

You probably have heard that the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. It sounds so true and logical, however it is rarely our disposition to try and make the changes we want in single steps.

You know what I mean as when you start a dieting or exercise programme to lose 20 kg, you jump on the scale on the very first day after you have done your workouts and expect to see a 10 kg loss. You may walk away from there discouraged and feeling like you have failed. Most people then give up after a few days of checking because they expected to see better results.

The same is true for any other endeavour we get into as our expectation or dare I say fantasy to see monumental progress after one day is well entrenched in our psyche.

We really have to go back to the drawing board to ensure that we have broken down what we want to achieve into small simple steps which are consistent with our abilities at the time to get them done. Our achievements on the small steps then spur us on to the next step, and then the next step and so on, until we get to the pinnacle of that accomplishment we hoped for.

40+FAB Blog

Conquering yourself

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

September 15, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

Before any great exploit or conquest there is a period of exploration, searching for new territory and horizons to conquer. We hear of kings, warriors, armies or explorers that achieved great feats as they searched distant lands finding new opportunities.

Today, we have modern day explorers who have made significant discoveries in various fields of science, business, technology etc. There are two things you will find with these visionaries, curiosity and courage. It takes curiosity to want to know more than is known, and then courage to establish a new way of doing things that may cause disruption to the old order.

The Greek Philosopher Plato said, “The first and the greatest victory is to conquer yourself…” I would add that to conquer yourself, just like the great explorers, you must discover yourself, then you need the courage to confront yourself.

We are more used to trying to change what we have found in ourselves, and by all means we must work to eradicate any vices we find. However, there is so much that is good in us that we are too ashamed to live out, maybe because we feel that is doesn’t match up to what others have, or it is too different from the norm. This is where we need to curiosity to know more about who we are, and then the courage to live out who we are.

There is much to see and conquer in the world, but truly, the greatest victory you will have will come as a result of your curiosity to discover who you are and then to live that.

40+FAB Blog

Whats your excuse?

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

September 14, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

You must have heard this saying, “Excuses are tools of the weak and incompetent, used to build monuments of nothingness. Those who excel in it seldom excel in anything else but excuses.“

As harsh as those words sound, I have come to realise that they are mostly true because if we really wanted something in our lives, if we truly have set our hearts and desires on a goal, we will do everything in our power to make it happen. We will unleash our energies in finding a way when there seems to be no way.

Excuses come into the picture when we are not quite committed to seeing through an endeavour that we really do not desire. For those who have a hobby or have started a business, don’t you find that you can give excuses for not showing up at your 9 to 5 job, yet you would probably work all night at that hobby or business.

We should move our lives to the place where we are fully invested in all that we do so that we never show up with excuses. For the things that we love we are never interrupted by excuses but only emergencies. Let that be your new way of life and replace all your excuses with only real emergencies.

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