When my daughter turned 11 months, meal times became really messy because she insisted on feeding herself with the spoon and would refuse to eat if she wasn’t allowed to try.

For us as parents, it was an extra hassle to allow her to mess up the table, her clothes, and the floor. We would try all we could to stop her from doing this so that we could keep the place clean. Then it struck me that for the desire to keep everything clean, I was depriving my daughter of learning. She is a baby and can’t be expected to handle her spoon perfectly, yet if she doesn’t keep trying she will never learn. It also reminded me that learning is messy, mistakes will be made, more effort will be required to accommodate the mess, but its all part of the price for greater knowledge leading to independence which is of greater value to the whole family.

Have you found yourself trying to avoid the mess when you are learning something new? Give yourself the permission to test things out and to get better at what you desire to learn. You may look ridiculous, others may laugh at you, you may fall flat on your face, but that is how it is meant to be. No one ever tried anything for the first time and was absolutely perfect at it. Embrace the mess that comes with learning and become the best you can be in your new skill.

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No one, now one

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

October 2, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

When no one can do something, we usually brand that thing as impossible. No one could fly and everyone agreed it was impossible until the Wright brothers did it successfully.

It went from a case of no one to now one. And that’s all we need, once one person is able to do it, then the rest will follow.

It was thought impossible to run a mile under 4 minutes. No one had done it, until Roger Banister did on May 6th, 1954, now one had done it, then the rest followed. The same was the case for running a 100 meters sub 10 seconds, no one had done it until Jim Hines did in April 1963, now one had done it others followed. As at today, over 145 men have run 100m under 10 seconds.

What does it take to be the one that will do it? Is there something that has been thought impossible in your family, among your peers, in your field of expertise, in your community or nation? All it takes is the belief that one can do it, and maybe that one is you.

We must keep challenging impossibilities by continually asking ourselves why. I guess the ‘Why’ is the ‘W’ that takes us from a place where no one can do it to the arena where noW one has done it!

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Team

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

October 1, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

I am sure you have heard the word TEAM described as an acronym, Together Everyone Achieves More. You would also have heard it said that there is no I in team, and some would joke ‘but there is a me’.

I recently listened to leadership guru, John C. Maxwell, and he advised, “We is more important than me. If you play a solo game, you will always lose out to a team.”

I was again on a webinar where Simon Sinek gave us insights into his learnings from his early years as an entrepreneur. He said most young entrepreneurs try to figure it out by themselves and are not quick to call for help. Operating that way is limiting and slows you down. He said he has learnt to surround himself with a team, and does challenge them to come up with solutions to problems they face as a team. The results, he says, are always very rewarding.

Have your results in life been less than you have desired? Have you been defeated in too many endeavours you tried to go alone? Are you unwilling to let others in on what you are trying to achieve?

The power of a team will always win, be stronger, go faster, perform better, and last longer, than a solo effort. Reach out for help today and surround yourself with a team that works together to achieve more.

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Make the shift

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

September 30, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

Have you ever considered that the vessel constructed to get you through the flood waters of a storm would never suffice to get you across the desert?
In the right environment it could be a boat that makes you float, but in the wrong environment it could become a casket that ends your advancement.

It amazes me when I hear the stories of businesses that were really successful, controlling majority market share at the height of their success. Yet with all the revenue, brand recognition and market position, they crashed out of business and became a distant memory in the minds of their customers.

A key characteristic you find with those businesses is that they fought tooth and nail to maintain the status quo. They were blindsided to the effects of changes taking place within the business environment and indeed the wider world. Any organisation should behave pretty much like a living organism and respond to their changing external environment, not only to survive, but to thrive.

Whether it is the business of your life, or an actual company you are involved with, you must be aware and ready to respond to the ever changing external circumstances so that you are not caught out when the floods dwindle and the desert heat kindles.

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The strategy

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

September 29, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

There was a king who had ten thousand soldiers, but he was faced with a king who was coming to fight him with twenty thousand soldiers. The king with ten thousand had two choices, he could fight on, or could he make peace. This story is actually a parable that Jesus Christ told to his disciples, yet he never gave them the answer for what the king with ten thousand would do.

I believe that story is a great lesson in strategy and it lines up with an explanation of strategy which I heard. “Strategy is using your internal capabilities to match your external environment and demands to achieve your objectives.”

When it comes down to it, the thing that matters most for you in a given scenario is being able to use your abilities to influence the circumstances to get what you want. The small dog might look like it will loose to the big dog, but as Mark Twain said, “It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.”

In 1974 on the shores of Africa in Congo Brazzaville, The boxing heavy weight championship fight dubbed the ‘Rumble in the Jungle’ took place. It was between reigning champion, George Foreman, and challenger, Mohamed Ali. Foreman was much stronger than Ali and was tipped to demolish Ali in that bout. However, Ali being his witty self developed a strategy and a system to compete in the fight. He called it the rope-a-dope, where he would lean back on the ropes and shield himself from Foreman’s punches for several rounds until Forman tired out, then he came off the ropes and was able to send his opponent to the canvas and win the fight.

What is facing you right now? Do you have a strategy to deal with it? You may not need to be stronger, or have more to handle it. You just need to understand your internal capabilities and your external environment, then make a value judgement on which is stronger at the time. You may have to fight, or you may have to make peace, but whichever you choose it will ultimately work in your favour if you applied the right strategy.

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Put on repeat

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

September 28, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

Have you ever had to practice for some kind of performance or the other? We do our research, practice and work to get good at the delivery. When we are done with it, there is a huge sense of relief that it is over.

One thing I find is that we are quick to forget about what we have accomplished or the process we went through and we return to our state of rest living life like it never happened. The next time we then have to deliver another performance, we work ourselves up all over again and go through the same motions and effort to try and produce that same result.

If you have delivered a speech before or had to do a presentation, having to do it again should be a lot easier than the first time. However, where we struggle is when we did not reflect on our performance the first time we did it. All the effort we put in then should not be considered as throw away work, but should be a foundation that we build all future performances on.

Don’t be too quick to abandon what you have learnt or the process you went through to deliver your best work. Always be ready to improve on it, reviewing it from time to time even when there is no avenue to use it. Practice it, hone it, think of how you could have done it better, refine it and imagine when you can deliver a new and improved version of it.

This is what really makes us good and skilful at delivering anything at our very best.

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The verge of giving up

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

September 27, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

Have you ever been on the verge of giving up where you know you have so much to get done but the task has become too daunting and the time to deliver has approached much faster than you prepared for.

At this point, you have lost sight of the benefits of the work you are carrying out and your focus has pretty much become insular and self preserving. From my life experience so far, and much research on the life of others who have achieved success, there is almost always a great gain just beyond that verge of throwing in the towel.

No matter how hard it seems, you have to keep going.
Remind yourself of the picture you saw before you started, and just keep going.
Consider your values of delivering what is expected of you, then just keep going.
Trust the process of life that quitters never win and winners never quit so that you keep going.

If you have been close to the verge of giving up recently, remind yourself of these truth, pick yourself up and just keep going again.

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Urgency

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

September 26, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

It’s great to be proactive doing things without delay and accomplishing tasks on time. But we really can’t get the best out of urgency without understanding priorities.

The things we should treat as urgent are those things that are highly important and are our top priorities requiring our time, attention, and swift response. A gas leak and a water leak both require attention as they may cause damage to a property, however the gas leak will most certainly take the place of urgency because of the implication of the damage it could cause.

If you have a sense of urgency for the tasks you do, that is great. Why don’t you try adding prioritisation to it and note what your before and after result were.

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No way back to normal

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

September 25, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

Have you ever bought something from a store that had a no return policy? It can be the most frustrating thing when you realise what you purchased had a slight defect or was not the right size, yet when you try to return it, the shop refuses to take it back or exchange it.

The same is kind of true in life, when we are born, there is no way of going back into the womb to change the size of our forehead for instance. Whatever the hand we have been dealt in life, it is not always wise to seek how to change it, we should rather seek how best to work with it to become successful.

When we are pushed out of what we consider normal, we fight as hard as we can to go back to normal. But could we have been pushed into a new season with opportunities to grow just like a new born baby?

Sometimes, there is just no way back to what we consider normal and so we must roll with the punches life throws at us, making the best of where we find ourselves while putting all our energies into making it ideal, rather than fighting to go back to what we consider normal.

40+FAB Blog

Growing pains

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

September 24, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

I remember as a young boy I told my mum I had been having pain in my legs, being a nurse, she looked at me and with a smile said, you are having growing pains. Growing pains, I thought, why should growth be painful.

Whatever the type of growth is, the thing growing will have to overcome resistance, and overcoming resistance is what causes the pain. Right from birth we go through different transitions of growth and each stage causes pain, whether physical, emotional or mental.

When people treat you badly, how do you react? Are you able to hold your emotions in check and respond in an appropriate manner or do you throw tantrums and possibly fists?
If you are working through your emotional growth, you will feel the pain of keeping quiet when there are a thousand hurtful words you would rather unleash on the one that has ticked you off.

Are you saving up for that next house or tangible investment? Are you able to delay your gratification by refusing to spend on that cup of coffee or pizza so you make up the savings?
If you are working though your financial growth, you will feel the pain of prudence for months or possibly years, but it will get you to your desired place of financial freedom eventually.

I could talk about the pain of relationships, healthy eating, dieting, exercise, disciplined study, positive thinking, persistence and much more.

What growing pains have you identified in your life? Do not work to alleviate or sedate that pain, because it is very necessary for growth. Those that have tried to help a butterfly out of its cocoon or a chic out of its egg have realised that their help actually crippled their beneficiary.

Allow yourself to grow, and if you feel the pain then know you are doing something right.

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Learning is messy

No one, now one

Team

Make the shift

The strategy

Put on repeat

The verge of giving up

Urgency

No way back to normal

Growing pains