40+FAB Blog

Ok, so let me just say this up front that this is not solely about anger, but more about managing thoughts and emotions. Anger is probably one negative emotion that most people relate to, right from a baby a few months old, to those well up in age.

Psychologists who have done a great deal of study on human behaviour point out a cycle that we go through that pretty much explains our behaviour. When we receive external stimulus, from what we see or hear, it creates thoughts in us, our thoughts then influence or trigger our emotions, and most times we act out on our emotions. Our actions then feed back to us as external stimulus and the cycle is repeated.

Further studies believe that between our thoughts and the triggered emotion, there is a time lapse. That delay before we get an emotional response of anger, sadness, depression, guilt etc. is a vital tool to gain control of our emotional state. You have probably heard that counting is a strategy for anger management, that counting actually exploits that gap and disarms the thought of anger from triggering the emotion. Another useful technique is breathing. This involves taking deep breaths as soon as an unpleasant thought arises so as to disengage it from the emotion.

These techniques sound so simple to be considered a means of managing the complexity of our emotions, however when they are applied, they produce immediate and effective results.

What emotions are you trying to manage today? What situations press all your war buttons? Who has been winding you up to the point of loss of control?

It is time to take back the management of your emotional state, become more aware of your thoughts, and exploit the time lapse between thought and emotion, by counting or taking deep breaths, to diffuse the power of any negative thinking.

40+FAB Blog

I have met many people who have always wanted to write a book, but somehow never get round to doing it. Writing could be a very daunting task for the one who is just starting out, but with a little bit of information about the process and taking it one day at a time, one can achieve massive results.

Having written two books myself, I found that writing and finishing a manuscript was one thing, and then publishing it was another big deal. You would think that after overcoming those two major phases, the third phase of selling the books would drop in your laps, like ripe fruit off a tree, to somehow reward you for all the hard work. Unfortunately, as one accomplished writer once said, “books don’t sell themselves”.

Like with most things in life, if we are going to get other people interested in what we have, we must make them see it, taste it and then persuade them to buy it. I hear so many people say, “it’s a great product, it would sell itself”. That is really not accurate at all. What sells is what people need and your job as a sales person is to point out that what you have satisfy what they need.

No matter who you are, you will need to improve your ability to sell to others, it may be a meal you want a child to eat, an idea you want your family to adopt, yourself at a job interview, your products at a shop and so on. If you just placed things on the table and hoped that others would perceive the value in it and buy, you may walk away disappointed.

Just as a book has powerful words in it but is all closed up and sitting behind the cover so that no one knows what’s in it apart from the one who wrote it, so is it with almost every other thing in life. The owner has to speak up, introduce it, and get others to buy it.

40+FAB Blog

As a young child, I discovered the water buoy and could never understand why that thing would never stay down inside the water. I would watch it rise as the water in the tank rose, I would push it underwater, but it would rise back out again.

Having learnt a few laws of physics, I understood why the buoy kept rising, it was filled with air, and its body was intact so the air would not escape. As long as it remained in that state, there was nothing that could keep it down.

The water buoy was subjected to pressure and conditions to make it sink, but as long as it kept its content intact, no amount of water could take it under.

Have you ever felt deflated about something? Whatever made you deflated is not strong enough to overcome you, and so it has to knock the wind out of you before it attempts to take you down.

The good news is that you are in charge and in control of what is within you and only you can let go if. The pressure does not have what it takes to put you under, and just like the buoy rises higher, we also are meant to rise higher when pressure comes.

Pay attention to what’s inside you that keeps you full of enthusiasm, excitement, and energy. Nurture those things because they will respond to the external forces and equip you with the impetus to always rise above it.

40+FAB Blog

In the name of productivity and achievement, some people have actually devalued the importance of sleep. While too much sleep is the perfect practice for inheriting nothing, on the other hand, too little sleep will rob us of the benefits of a healthy mind and body.

Psychologists have discovered that it is the action of sleep that helps the brain to take things from short term memory to long term memory. They have also discovered that sleep regulates bodily functions and reduces stress.

Another important thing about sleep is that it helps to reset our will power. Our will power depletes over time and we get weaker in our resolve to do things or to refrain from doing them. If you resolve to diet, for instance, and half way through the day you are tempted to give up, studies have shown that a short power nap will reenergise you to follow that purpose through.

We cannot function effectively without the right balance of sleep, so we should do all we can to get better at managing it.

40+FAB Blog

You have probably heard about priming the pump. This is a process where some water is put into a water pump and that gets it working properly so it gets much more water out of the well it is serving.

It almost sounds counterintuitive to give away the water you have to a system that is supposed to get you the water you need, but the funny thing is that it actually works.

So what areas have you been looking for a change? Maybe you should ask yourself if you have become the change you want to see, even if in a very small way. You might feel emotionally drained to do anymore, but if you put your last drop of encouragement into that child, your priming might just be the thing they need to return to you a reward of positive behaviours that will replenish every ounce of courage in you.

Its time to go out there and keep priming, give it what you have and have faith that what you have sowed, you will surely reap.

40+FAB Blog

Having young children is not the easiest phase for a family. These are crucial years where the parents need to train the child in various areas like how to play, setting limits, forming a healthy self-image, self control, discipline etc.

The home becomes a good training ground for the formative years of that child. Probably the most important thing is to practice what you preach as a parent. Children will do what you do and not necessarily what you say, so there is nothing as important as your own self control.

Children can be cheeky and will wind you up just like any other adult can, but it is pertinent that you stay in the role of the adult, take the high ground and control the situation. It will be hard to portray something that you are not to your children, so, it only makes sense to imbibe all the qualities in yourself that you want to see in your children.

You don’t have to wait until you have children, or maybe become a manager, leader of a team, community, or nation, before you develop your best qualities. Do it now, start practicing controlled behaviour today, do it consistently, let it become second nature to you so that you act it out without thinking or pretending

40+FAB Blog

I heard a quote today that rocked me to my core and has left me thinking deeply about how I respond in various situations and settings.
“Integrity that is situational is not integrity but expediency.” – Dr. Dennis Waitley.

We never know if we are operating in integrity until the situations we are used to operating in change, and all the odds that are usually in our favour stack up against us. The one with an entitled mentality might not accept the change and do everything within their power and employ means that are less than noble to restore what they feel is theirs.

I remember years ago, I was sold some batteries which were faulty, I promptly returned to the store for an exchange or to get my money back, and the store owner said they had a no refund policy. I was quite animated as I expressed my displeasure at being cheated when he knew his batteries were faulty, and I went on and on disrupting his business with my complaint. He was ever so calm and watched me until I ran out of steam then he reminded me again of the policy and so I left.

My cause was genuine and I did not get what I paid for, but my behaviour was way out of line in trying to correct the wrong I had faced. Integrity demanded that I should have still remained respectful and in control of my emotions even in the face of a perceived wrong, I could have raised my objections through proper channels, but I did what I felt was expedient hoping I would get my money back quickly.

If we are to live an honest life and one of integrity, we must ask ourselves some tough questions about how we would respond to situations that are designed to bring out the beast in us.

40+FAB Blog

As far as we know, there are about 7 billion people on the planet right now, that means that approximately 6 billion, 999 million, 999 thousand, 999 are not you. In other words, you are outnumbered!

If everyone is not you, then it is only wise to learn how to know and get along with other people in the world. Philosophers over the centuries have identified that there are four main personality traits and they hold true across countries, cultures, tribes, and people groups. There are those dominant characters who boss people around all day long, you also have the live wires who love talking and can’t get enough of hanging out with people, and then there are the amenable characters who keep the peace, try to get along with everyone and keep the boat from rocking, and finally there are the quiet ones, the thinkers and sometimes you never know what’s on their mind.

It’s great to know what personality type you are and embrace it, and it’s definitely beneficial to identify the personalities around you so that you know how best to engage with them, leading to more meaningful relationships. With so many out there, equip yourself with the knowledge to be able to flow with them and don’t back up to the place where you will say, it’s me against the world.

40+FAB Blog

Have you ever been in an argument with someone who seemed to be a lot more knowledgeable than you were, and they refuted all your points to the extent that you proverbially did not have a leg to stand on?

Having a leg to stand on does not only apply to arguments, for we do need a leg to stand on in every area of our beliefs which control our behaviours and the outcomes we craft for our lives.

A lot of people stand on beliefs that are not well rounded and that’s what they go on. They refuse to open their minds to any other reality that challenges their beliefs and behaviours. Such people become short-sighted, one legged and will soon topple over when challenging times, that expose the flaws in their belief, come around.

There are however age old values that we can trust and build into ourselves so that we have the balance of truth to go on. Honesty, integrity, kindness, generosity, selflessness, service, compassion, teachability, respect, are just a few of the qualities which make us well rounded, authentic individuals.

Have you done an analysis of what exactly you believe? Have you ever allowed it to be challenged to see how it stacks up against other points of view? Do you have age old universal values built into your core?
You may want to consider answering some of these questions so you are sure of what you are going on.

40+FAB Blog

Most times, location has nothing to do with how well a thing works. In order to make something work, you need to do a couple of things. First, you could contact the person who made that thing and ask them how it works, or you could find someone that uses it really well and let them teach you how it works. Second, you have to put what you have been taught into practice trusting the process you have learnt and believing that if applied right, things would work.

There are many seeking to move location to Silicon Valley to make their tech idea work, or those who want to change partners to make their relationship work. Could it be a career change, a house move, a country relocation or whatever change you have considered making?

Ask yourself these questions before you take any drastic decisions. Do I know enough about this business? Have I got the right knowledge to make it work? Am I putting into practice what I have learnt about it?

Remember, you have a few steps to try out before you throw in the towel, up sticks and leave town, physically or metaphorically. The ball is in your court to make it work.