One thing I have come to realise is that getting help is not the same as giving up control of the outcome you had in mind when you asked for help.

The dilemma of people taking over your case and doing anything they like with it because they are helping you, has been a major reason why a number of people would rather suffer in one way or the other than seek for a helping hand.

Maturity teaches us that no man is an island and we would all need the assistance of another at some point to get things done effectively. However, you will always be the owner of your life and the things that are your responsibility. If you asked friends to help you with redecorating your home for instance, you wouldn’t accept them doing a shoddy job or painting your walls with a colour of their choice just because they were helping you. The responsibility for the outcome is still yours.

Always be clear on your terms of engagement when you ask for help, and ensure that you are not giving up control of your responsibility and accepting anything on the whims of the one helping you.

40+FAB Blog

Brainwashing

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

December 21, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

I avoided the dentist as much as I could for most of my life but thankfully I was blessed with really good teeth so I have never had a cavity or anything like that. When I eventually visited the dentist, I was told I had gingivitis which caused slight bleeding on my gums due to the build up of plaque that had not been cleaned over the years. This was cleaned up and I was told I needed to have cleaning done regularly to keep my gums healthy.

We have been taught that with most things we use, we have to clean them up to get the best use out of them. Clothes need to be washed, cars, dishes, our bodies and the list goes on. So why do we associate washing the brain as something bad?

We cannot go through life and use our brains for all that we do and not seek an outlet to wash it so we can get the best out of it. The term brainwash is used to talk about a systematic reprogramming of the way people think about things usually to follow an agenda that is questionable. TV programs have been identified as a key way of accomplishing this.

I think we should all however go for a washed brain, where we declutter our minds from all programming that is damaging to the very fabric of how life was designed to be lived. For instance, honesty is always the best policy, so every programme that highlights the possibility of being successful by dodgy means needs to be expunged from our consciousness.

We do all need a brainwash, from the right perspective and for the right reasons.

40+FAB Blog

Rising expectation

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

December 20, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

We are motivated to act by the things we feel we can achieve, in other words, things that we have concluded to be in the realm of our control. We have to understand very thoroughly what is actually within our control, and guard very carefully those things that are ours to control.

The more we rely on other people or systems to have control of things that we should be controlling ourselves, we leave ourselves open to be disappointed and stripped of the motivation to move our lives forward.

In a relationship, your happiness still remains yours and should never be given up as the responsibility of a partner. In your society, your quality of life and how you live it still remains yours and should never be given up to the dictates of your government. Your opinion and how you think is yours, and must be guarded from the propaganda of people, companies or countries with an agenda that is not necessarily in your interest.

If you receive news that makes you feel helpless, rather than dwell on it, remind yourself of those things that are in your control and get your mind back to its rightful place where it is empowered and raises your expectations to the place where it is out of reach of the external detracting forces.

40+FAB Blog

Translation of values

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

December 19, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

We were all taught a set of values one way or another, some steeped in tradition and others in a code of practice adhered to by the group we belong to. Whatever those values are we need to translate them into how we live life from day to day.

Sometimes, our expression of these values get lost in translation. What was regarded as modest clothing a century ago has drastically changed and anyone trying to portray the value of modesty through outdated apparel would be considered weird.

Those values expressed themselves through the culture and the time in which they were set. We need to learn to separate the values from the times in which we learnt them, and then give a lot more thought on how we manifest those values in the times in which we live now.

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That isn’t me

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

December 18, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

We all have a personal preference of how we would like to do things and it is largely based on how we have been brought up and what type of circles we find ourselves operating in.

The danger with calling out what ‘isn’t just me’ without carefully considering the benefits of doing something differently to our preference is that it can stifle our opportunity to grow and progress.

I think I am a bit of a conservative fellow, so when I needed to make a career change, I found the whole process of rewriting my CV very hard, as I had to sell myself on that piece of paper and selling just isn’t me.

It took a great deal of shifting mentally to finally come to grips with the importance of selling myself, and not just that but seeing the need to sell as a part of life generally. I had to do away with an erroneous belief based on past experiences and how I saw sales people as sleazy.

There are many things in life that are absolutely necessary which we have branded as something we should not be doing. Why not bring out your list of what isn’t you and pick on the points which seem to work for the world in general and investigate why you should not make it work for you.

40+FAB Blog

Effort to change

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

December 17, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

I listened to a really good explanation today about worry, anxiety and fear that arises when we are faced with making a change from what we are used to and going to something we are unfamiliar with.

Basically the dynamic tension between how we have always understood things to work and the new suggestion of how things might work differently is what causes the anxiety. Being the creatures of habit that we are, our system will always fight against the new information.

It however takes great effort to keep that dialogue going in our mind between the two options, until the new idea wins. It is much easier to give into fear and reject new thoughts, rather than spend the time necessary to really evaluate them until they inspire us to new experiences and new results.

The greatest of our battles will always be in our own thinking, so practice resilience in entertaining thoughts and ideas that are challenging to your current mindset and so build up the mental muscles that make you more agile and willing to adopt change for the better.

40+FAB Blog

Team effort

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

December 16, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

Never underestimate the power of team effort. A functional team will always work better and achieve more than what an individual can accomplish alone.

A team requires more effort to put together and manage, but when it is up and running as it should, what is input to the team creates outputs that yield significant returns.

Sometimes it seems easy to run alone, as you can run faster and start accomplishing as quickly as possible, the only problem is that you can soon run out of energy and the stress of handling everything alone piles up and slows you down.

Each one of us would at some point need a team to help us birth some of the greatest products of our lives. Why not take the time and try out investing the time, energy and resources to pull together a great team to work with you on your projects. It will surprise you how far you can actually go when you have the right team.

40+FAB Blog

Those behind actors

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

December 15, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

Have you noticed that when it comes to movies, unless you are a real information geek, we tend to talk about the actors much more than those who made it happen behind the scenes? Yet without those hidden figures, the movie would never have seen the light of day.

When all those in the background do thier work excellently, it allows for the actors to become real super stars. Just think about a really good actor you know who starred in a really good film, but also appeared in a very bad one. Was it down to their acting skills? Probably not.

First of all, the story has to be gripping, then it must be told in a way that captivates the audience, and it must be shown in a way that brings characters and places to life. All this is done by writers, directors, producers, camera handlers, make up artists etc.

When it comes to your life, you play a lot of the roles including the actor, and how well you prepare in your back end role will determine how famous you will be as the actor in your life. Do your homework, and always look for others who can most effectively help you.

40+FAB Blog

Checks and balances

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

December 14, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

No matter how careful and self-controlled we feel we are, as humans, we are always subject to errors and the sooner we come to terms with it, the better our lives will be.

When we operate at any level without checks, balances or accountability, we are highly likely to fail spectacularly. If you just take a look at individuals and organisations that have produced excellent and successful outputs, you will find embedded in the culture that sense of accountability and when things do go wrong, they set further checks in place to ensure it does not happen again.

Think about the big financial scandals of the last decade and you will find that the ones who made the catastrophic decisions were actually really good at thier job, but then they failed to observe the checks set in place to protect themselves, thier organisation and thier customers. It could have been over confidence that led to that, or just a disregard for the rules driven by thier massive successes.

Think about this and adopt it when it doesn’t seem like you need it, because one day, you will slip up and if you have allowed for full accountability, it will save you from a costly mistake.

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Reach out to help

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

December 13, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

Psychologists say that we will tend to feel better about ourselves and our situations the more we reach out to help others in thier situations. It is a golden principle of life that we should do unto others as we would want others to do unto us.

In that effect, doing something for another is actually doing something for ourselves. We are, as the saying goes, killing two birds with one stone when we do this.

Make it a part of your life routine to regularly reach out to others especially in areas where you struggle yourself. If you need more financially, find someone to help out with thier bills. If you are discouraged, then find someone to encourage. If you need others to help you with a project, then help someone out with thier project.

It almost sounds counterintuitive, but it really works. Put it on your schedule today to reach out.

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Getting help

Brainwashing

Rising expectation

Translation of values

That isn’t me

Effort to change

Team effort

Those behind actors

Checks and balances

Reach out to help