I just love the story of Pinocchio, the wooden puppet who came to life and was given the opportunity to make choices that would either make him better or worse off. He was given a conscience in the person of Jimmy the cricket to advise him on the right thing to do.

Have you noticed that there are always two voices in your head? On tells you to do it the right way, while the other encourages you to do it the way you feel, even if that is the wrong way. The image that comes to mind is one of two beings sitting on each shoulder, one is an angel and the other a devil.

So, the question is which of these voices do you allow to lead you? It is tough to listen to the right voice, but doing so is what builds strength of character. There is no strength gained without working against a resistance like weights. The wrong voice however is the path of least resistance and always guarantees immediate gratification, but it hides consequences that could be quite damning.

Pinocchio went through his inner battle between listening to the voice of Jimmy the cricket, who told him what was right, or to listen to the voice of the devious honest John who led him to what seemed like fun but got him trapped and destined for doom. He eventually got a second chance to do the right thing and his story ended on a high note.

No matter how long or how much you have allowed yourself to be led by the wrong motives and desire, there is always a chance to access a turning point in your life. You can make the switch and allow the right voice to lead you most of the time.

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Late again

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

February 9, 2021

- 40+FAB Blog

Lateness is one of those habits that makes you less desirable in certain circles. Having managed staff over the years, I have filled out many reference forms when they have gone on to new employment. It never ceases to amaze me that out of all the questions that another employer could ask, the punctuality question makes the list of the miniscule question set.

As bad as lateness is, there is something even worse, and that is not showing up at all. Lateness can be quite embarrassing and there is a temptation to just not show face to avoid those feelings. Commitment to show up in spite of the apprehension of the undesired consequences of being late is still commendable.

If you have a lateness problem but still show up no matter what, try focussing on the positives of your commitment. As you keep focussing on those positives, it gives you more of an emotional credit to be able to tackle the main problem of lateness. If you are ever late again, remind yourself of this.

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Getting to know you

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

February 8, 2021

- 40+FAB Blog

Getting to know you is probably one of the best things you can do for yourself, and yes I mean you knowing you, or you knowing yourself.

When you consider some of the sayings of sages past and present, then getting to know you is paramount.

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom” – Aristotle

“If you know the enemy and you know yourself, you need not fear the results of a hundred battles.” – Sun Tzu

“To grow yourself, you must know yourself .” – John C. Maxwell

A lot of times we look in the mirror, and we do not like who we see, but we will never get away from that person as long as there is breath in our lungs. So, rather than expend energy and effort trying to live in spite of ourselves, we must confront the one in the mirror. Make peace, forgive, love, then accept and be the best of who you can be. If you truly get to know you, you will discover that you are not as bad as you imagine yourself to be sometimes.

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Trying to act normal

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

February 7, 2021

- 40+FAB Blog

There was a TV interview which went viral a few years back. This man was being interviewed while working at home when one of his sons wandered into the room, then the baby came in, and moments later, a frantic mother flung herself into the room at knee height, to avoid being seen on camera, as she tried to get them all out of the room. Viewers could see all the drama going on, the news casters could see it too and they had smiles on thier faces, however the man being interviewed kept a straight face as he tried to act normal, as if nothing at all was going on behind him.

We have all been in such situations where one is set for a serious minded engagement, then something ridiculous happens that could take away our ability to act with decorum. So what do you do at that point, do you ignore the distraction and act normal, or do you acknowledge the distraction and find ways to resolve it quickly and continue with your engagement.

When is it actually ok to act normal, and when should we attempt to address the distraction? The answer might differ from person to person, but one thing we all know is that life doesn’t always go according to plan no matter how prepared things are.

Working on your flexibility as a person becomes essentially important to move you from the place where you are either flustered by the unexpected or you are seen to be acting normal when clearly things are not going to plan, to a place of being in control and handling all the glitches that could faze you.

If you develop that nimbleness in responding to the unexpected, you will not need to act normal, you will be normal while handling any one of the catalogue of things that could go wrong in life.

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The importance of trust

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

February 6, 2021

- 40+FAB Blog

Have you ever wondered why people who belong to a certain group, club, association or what we could call a tribe always seem to trust other members of thier group over an outsider?

This behaviour lets us see that trust could be a very relative thing, as the saying goes, there is honour among thieves. No one on the right side of life would trust a thief with anything, yet one who practices and believes in robbing others to get by would be comfortable with thier kind.

Understanding the codes and practices that are expected in whichever group we are a part of is critical in building trust with the other members. Whether it be in a marriage, a family, a business or an interest group, there are behaviours and beliefs which maintain trust and keep members benefitting from one another.

You may be of trustworthy character as a person, but that attribute does nothing to assure anyone about your integrity. People want to know what you believe and what values you uphold which they would primarily search for in the tribe or tribes you are associated with. If you are an island on your own or cannot be clearly identified with any type of tribe, then your character, as good as it may be, is tainted by suspicion in the eyes of the one checking you out.

Trust is important because that keeps you in your tribe, and tribe is important because that testifies to your trustworthiness.

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Going down memory lane

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

February 5, 2021

- 40+FAB Blog

I remembered a poem I wrote quite a few years back and so I went searching for the journal I had written it in. I picked up one of my journals from the year 2000 and could not find the poem. However, I did find lots of notes, questions, and plans I had made at the time.

It’s funny to see that some of my notes and questions from 20 years back still reflect the characteristics of my pursuits in life. I found a few things that I said I wanted to do that I still haven’t done. If only I had reviewed these notes regularly, I would have completed them by now, lol!

Sometimes, the most accurate way to take a trip down memory lane is to dig out diaries, journals, pictures and things we have recorded in one form or another. It helps us to see very clearly where we were and compare that with where we are now.

I am thankful I could find this journal and read my thoughts from way back then. I am thankful that I have come a long way and are generally moving in the direction I wanted to go. I am thankful for the memories I would otherwise have forgotten if I had not written them down.

If you have never kept a journal or a diary, there is immense value in doing so. It’s never too late, start today and capture your thought and moments, who knows what they will be worth to you and others in the next few decades.

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Commit it to memory

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

February 4, 2021

- 40+FAB Blog

One of the most important abilities we have as humans is the ability to remember. Our memory temporarily stores what we encounter from day to day, and without making a conscious effort, we tend to forget experiences we have come across.

Committing things to memory is important because if we remember, then we don’t have to learn the same lessons over and over again. I vaguely remember as a child the first time my finger was burnt by a candle light. I was told it would hurt me several times before the incident, but I never committed it to memory until I got hurt. Since then, I have been very careful not to leave my finger above any form of open fire. If that wasn’t committed to memory, I would have to go through the pain of being burnt each time I got fascinated by a lit candle.

So why is it that in some areas of life, like relationships for instance, we get ‘burnt’ by a certain type of person and when they leave us, we quickly jump into another relationship with someone who is very similar to the one who hurt us? Is it that we did not remember, or is it that we have not understood how to wrestle with our memories until we learn from them?

Excitement or pain are like strong glue that stick events into our memories, and this is a great way to simulate your learning. However, all the memories that have stuck need to be processed into useful insights that will keep us moving forward and winning in life. The memories are there for a reason explore them and make them work in your favour.

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What’s your outlook

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

February 3, 2021

- 40+FAB Blog

Everyone has a unique way that they look at the world around them, and so will behave according to what they see. Out of the many views that exist, two particular ones come to mind, the view to produce, and the view to consume.

Its easy to look at both and automatically assume that the producer view is more productive than the consumer view, but that might not necessarily be the case. A producer view may always seek to create what is novel and in some cases almost try to reinvent the wheel which may end up being counter productive, while a consumer view may look for what already exists and use it to create a service that releases great value to others.

The important thing is to know yourself and what works for you. The producer view needs the right balance to create the new only to supply what does not exist, or to improve what already exists. Asking someone with this view to just work with what is available is like killing thier potential.

On the other hand, the consumer view needs to take what exists and use it to create value that would be of benefit to self and to others. Asking someone with this view to come up with something new is like trying to frustrate them.

As long as you understand what type of view you have and you are comfortable with it, you will be a progressive person who is able to take what comes thier way and turn it into what they need.

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Popularity is not influence

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

February 2, 2021

- 40+FAB Blog

Popularity does not necessarily translate to influence and we sometimes seem to confuse the two. I heard of a social media influencer who had over 1 million followers and when they launched thier T-shirt brand, not even 1 follower bought a shirt. It’s hard to believe that statistic, but it actually buttresses the point that popularity is not influence.

To be popular is to be liked or admired by many people or by a particular person or group. When we watch those talent shows, we usually are endeared to some of the fledgling talent and we wish them well, out of sympathy or for thier effort. To be an influencer on the other hand is to have the capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behaviour of someone or something.

So, someone can be popular, but because they are popular due to pity, they may not be in a position to affect anyone else’s character or development. Whereas, there are many unknown persons around the world who exert great influence over political leaders and indeed nations.

The best thing we can do is to work on our influence. Influence starts with you. If you develop your own character and behaviour, chances are someone will want to learn from you, then your influence grows from that point. You are more likely to get popular from being influential, than to get influential from being popular, so, work on your ability to influence starting with yourself.

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Truth without challenge

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

February 1, 2021

- 40+FAB Blog

Sometimes we erroneously believe that if something is the truth, it will be so convincing that there will be no argument we can find against it and it will just resonate with what we are thinking.

The reality however is that whatever resonates with us and we accept without a challenge are things that we already fundamentally believe. Truth is not the truth because it sits well with us, but because it is a fact or reality that is well established.

If you have conservative beliefs, you will most likely doubt any truth that a liberal brings to you. Same applies when it comes to arguments about racism, sexism or social status, you will not challenge what you consciously or subconsciously believe, and that does not make it truth. No matter what your belief or persuasion, there are always things that you hold onto that are not true, and when they are exposed and brought to your attention, there will be a resistance and challenge in your mind against the truth being shared.

Psychologists teach us that when we are navigating change, the mind starts in a place of comfort where it only acknowledges what it believes and discards everything else. When the mind progresses to reason, it considers other arguments foreign to it and also discards them. However on a third level, when the mind is confronted with new information, it becomes conflicted and there is an internal battle between what we already know and the information we are considering. It is only at this point that we are willing to change and willing to accept something as truth.

This leads me to conclude that the truth will only remain unchallenged in the mind of someone that had already accepted that truth at an earlier point. Otherwise if you have no challenge to this ‘new’ information being shared, then chances are you already fundamentally believe it.

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Who is leading you?

Late again

Getting to know you

Trying to act normal

The importance of trust

Going down memory lane

Commit it to memory

What’s your outlook

Popularity is not influence

Truth without challenge