40+FAB Blog

The one thing that is always on the move no matter how slow a pace our lives seems to be moving is time. As they say, time waits for no one.

This season is a time to catch up on a lot of “if only I have more time” type tasks. The secret is to plan it out over the coming days, because before you know it, things would be back to normal and you could have lost that opportunity.

Even though it seems slow, you are running out of time.
Even though it looks like nothing is happening out there, you are running out of time.
Even though things feel uncertain, you are running out of time.
Even though it looks like things may never be the same again, you are running out of time.

Don’t get caught up pondering and wondering what will happen next. You have been given a great gift of time to catch up.
Roll up your sleeves and start getting things done as quickly as you can because very soon society will be back on track and you will need to hit the ground running. Don’t waste another second as you are really running out of time.

40+FAB Blog

As we continue to navigate the lockdown period, relationships between spouses, parents and children, housemates, friends and anyone living together will be severely tested.
I want to point out one thing that could potentially be a problem in these relationships. Simply put, it is uncontrolled opinions.

Most human beings are decent and will not just come up to you and tell you what they think. Where the problem arises is in our going out there to seek opinions.

When you ask someone, “what do you think?” there are a few things to note:
1. You may have spent considerable time thinking about something and forming your own opinion and are convinced you are right.
2. You go to the other party to ask what they think to validate your opinion and you are not open to hearing anything that is not your opinion.
3. You have given the other party a few minutes to think about what you have spent hours maybe even days processing, thus putting them at a disadvantage.
4. When they give you their opinion and it is not what you want to hear, it creates tension and even resentment towards them, they will also feel resentful towards you for not hearing them out.
5. This leads to strained relationships.

Before you ask anyone close to you what do you think, please do the following:
1. Be sure that you really want to have another opinion, and be prepared to hear something contrary to what you think.
2. It might be better to explain your thought process and how you arrived at your opinion before you ask for theirs.
3. Give them some time to process also and don’t jump down their throat for an answer.
4. If you are just wanting to run your opinion by them as you process and think out loud, then don’t ask what they think, but rather ask them to be a sounding board, and thank them for listening when you are done.

As the saying goes, if you don’t want trouble, then let the sleeping dogs lie.
If you don’t want to create unnecessary tension in your season of lockdown, use the question ‘what do you think?” more wisely.

40+FAB Blog

I was carrying my 8 month old daughter today and as we interacted, I kept covering my face with a black shirt. Each time I covered my face she would pull off the garment and look at me puzzled as if to say your face is not meant to be covered. I then put the shirt on her face and she also pulled it off and gave me that look of “my face is not meant to be covered either!”

The face is so important because on it we show up a part of who we are, our heart and emotions. In the midst of very trying circumstances we try to cover our face, we hide emotions, put up our best polka face or even the proverbial mask. The true self hides behind these masks to avoid dealing with reality.

One emotion that encourages us to bury our face in the sand is fear. Zig Ziglar said, “FEAR has two meanings: Forget Everything And Run, or Face Everything And Rise. The choice is yours.”
You have to ask yourself, ‘Am I allowing my fears to cover my face and lead me to inaction or wrong action?’ The worst thing about fear is that you cannot clearly see what you are doing because it clouds your judgement, your face is covered.

“Fear is not real. It is the product of thoughts you create. Danger is very real, but fear is a choice” – Unknown.
At this time we need a clear view and a brave face to navigate through the season successfully. Focus on your thoughts, challenge them and speak boldness and courage into your heart.

No matter how bad it may seem, you have more chances of escaping from danger if you don’t cover your face.

40+FAB Blog

So it’s the second day that we have all had to stay at home because of the current pandemic, parents and 3 children all under 8 years old.
We had to explain to the children that we may be home for a while and asked for their cooperation to make it easy for all of us.
There have been a few rough edges in the last 48 hours, but to be honest it has gone so much better than I thought it would.

My wife and I have a strange new optimism about the whole situation. We are taking each day as it comes. We are thankful for being with family. We are helping our kids with their work and getting closer to them and understanding them better. We are planning our household in more thoughtful ways. We are writing up business plans for projects that have been on hold. We are developing ourselves by reading new information. We are excersing together as a family. We are getting a lot of chores done that have been outstanding for too long. We are reaching out to extended family and friends and checking on them. We are reflecting deeply about life and what’s important.

Our hope and prayer is that this whole situation will not break us, our communities, our nations and our world, and that as we all play our part, things will turn out better than we thought.

40+FAB Blog

If you remember the poem Mr. Nobody, you will recall the funny little man who was apparently responsible for so much that went wrong and even though given the credit for it, he remained so nameless and faceless such that life could go on in spite of him.

Have you ever walked into a place only to be treated like Mr. Nobody? That probably was not a good place to have been, however, that is the reaction most people give to someone who is a complete stranger to them.

People naturally shut out what they are not used to and would ignore it rather than make an effort to interact with it if it holds no interest to them. Unfortunately, most would do this to other humans too.

No one should ever feel or be made to feel like a nobody. There is a solution to this though. You cant be responsible for how other people treat you, but you are responsible for how you show up.

You have value, everyone does, and you contribute something to life that no one else can – that is yourself. Carry yourself with that awareness and let it be that you showed up and were seen and noticed.

Don’t ever leave people with an impression that you are nobody, rather let them think that you are somebody even if they are not interested in who you are.

40+FAB Blog

There was a game we used to play when we were growing up. The player representing mother would stand several feet away backing the others, and the rest of the players would stand at a starting line and would be assigned a number from one upwards.
Mother would then call a random number, “Number 3, take 5 baby steps forward”. Number 3 would answer “Mother may I?” mother would respond, “Yes you may” and then the advance would begin. This was repeated several times calling random numbers and actions until someone got to mother and won the game.

It is interesting to see the confidence a child gets to advance in life based on the loving care and approval provided by a mother. That encouraging voice that believes in you, that says you can do it, you can be it, you can reach for the stars, is the sweet voice of a mother.

I am sure you would agree with this quote “A mother’s love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible” – Marion C. Garretty.

Mother makes us feel safe, secure and settled. She creates an environment that enables us to express ourselves and explore our environment. She releases creativity, confidence and capability.

If you had a mother that nurtured you and your abilities and gave you the permission to be all that you could be, you need to express your love and gratitude to her now and always.

40+FAB Blog

Resilience is a great attribute to have, like the proverbial water off a ducks back. One has to dig deep and reassure themselves that no matter what, they will make it through the toughest of times.

Because tough times don’t last but tough people do, don’t let it get to you.

Because the dark night always gives way to the morning light, don’t let it get to you.

Because this too shall come to pass, don’t let it get to you.

Because there is light at the end of the tunnel, don’t let it get to you.

Because man has always found a way to survive the harshest odds, don’t let it get to you.

Because where there is life, there is hope, don’t let it get to you.

Because only you can control your response to the situation, don’t let it get to you.

Whatever you do, remember that you cannot afford to make permanent decisions over temporary circumstances. There is more to you than meets the eye and you are not easily broken. Now lift your head high and don’t let it get to you!

40+FAB Blog

As many countries and cities around the world consider restrictions on public gatherings and with most people being advised to stay at home, the use of social media is bound to sky rocket.

There are great things about social media that we can benefit from at this time, but there are also pitfalls.
Let us remember the following tips in the coming days and weeks:

1. Social media enhances your ability to reach others at remote locations to you, it should not replace relationships close by
2. Set a screen time app to monitor how long you spend on your devices
3. Be honest with yourself and cut down use if you are spending too much time or are too distracted.
4. Practice accountability with a friend or partner about your use of it
5. Put the phone or device down. Take regular breaks from it
6. Not every post should be believed, find a way to research the true from the hoax
7. Make sure you THINK before you post. T – is it Truthful, H – does it Help? I – does it Inspire? N – is it Nice or Necessary? K – is it Kind?
The Corona virus will eventually go away, but will your post disappear too?

Whatever you do over this period, do not get carried away by social media or the constant use of any of your devices. Be responsible and use it wisely for the benefit of your mental health and that of others.

40+FAB Blog

Recent times have made it clear that a number of mainstream News sources that we relied on for the truth have been reporting based on their particular bias. The rise of social media and everyone reporting their own news has led to a further blur on what is real and what is fake.

You would think that most people want the truth, but I am reminded of a Roman governor in who ruled in Judea around 26 A.D. Pontious Pilate had heard various accounts about his latest prisoner Jesus, and he asked Jesus, what is the truth? Before Jesus could answer, Pilate walked out and gave his own verdict to the crowd and said, I find no fault with him, yet Pilate still allowed him to be crucified.

I find that most people want to hear the truth from a perspective of what they already believe and are not open to what actually is. A wise man said, you should never make a judgement without hearing from both sides.
If we really want to know the truth, we must identify and get rid of our unconscious biases and be prepared to listen to all sides of an argument from credible sources.

40+FAB Blog

Lock down is a reality staring us in the face right now. This has been used as an effective way to slow the spread of the deadly infections in past centuries and decades. The Black Plague of the 14th century and the Spanish flu in 1918 are case in points.

So what can one do in the event of a lock down? Preparation is everything and having a plan to go through it is crucial.

• Follow the public health advice widely available
• Get all your essential food and household supplies
• Have a time table to follow a daily routine
• Be sure to exercise and get some fresh air
• If you have children, develop a daily routine that covers exercise, learning and fun activities
• Avoid binge eating and binge watching of TV or social media
• Call up friends and family
• Look out for your neighbours
• Be positive and optimistic and take care of your mental health
• Think and dream of new ways to be productive
• There are enough jokes being shared on social media, so do laugh a lot.
• Be thankful for life and take each day as it comes because where there is life there is hope.

I am sure there are many more things that you could do to get through this. Don’t wait for the lock down before you have a plan. Talk to family and friends, get good information and advice, then craft a workable plan for yourself and family.

If you have any more great advice on beneficial things to do in a lock down, please share your thoughts in the comments section below.