40+FAB Blog

The questioner

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

July 15, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

There are different types of people and the questions they ask reveal more about their character.

Some ask questions to make themselves look smart.
Some ask questions to make others look stupid.
Some ask questions to make the speaker feel smart.
Yet, some ask questions that causes everyone to think about what to do with the answer, these are practical questions.

A seasoned speaker has the skill to answer each one according to their questions.

With the smart, an answer that speaks to their facts is given.
With the condescending, an answer that tackles their assumptions is set out.
With the well wisher, an answer to acknowledge their graciousness is expressed.
Finally, with the thoughtful, an answer that addresses their person is shared with a sense of appreciation for making everyone leave with something that makes each one better.

What kind of questioner are you? Remember, there is no such thing as a foolish question if your motive for asking is to know so you can do.

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40+FAB Blog

Holding it together

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

July 14, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

Holding it together is the key to making a system work for you. The bicycle handle is important, but so are the wheels, chain, brakes or pedals. If I tried to cycle with the handle only, I would be going nowhere even though I steered it in the direction I should be headed. It is all the parts held together that give me the momentum I desire to reach my destination. 

I found I made good progress in any area of my life where I held together my observations, contemplations, conversations, relations, actions, and positions. 

I have been in situations where my job was not making the progress I would like. Applying these principles, I would observe my environment looking out for what and who were considered good for the job. I then contemplated what I could do to be and contribute to the good. Next I went about engaging my colleagues and managers in conversations about what good looked like and the best way to achieve it. This usually led to more open relations with those that were like-minded. I then began to take action on those ideas I had shared or learned and before long my position within the team changed for the better. It has worked for my marriage, finances, business plans and all areas of my life. 

Sometimes you don’t want to look at it, or think about it or talk about it or be around it or do it or be it. Whenever you are tempted to feel that way remember this quote – “Anyone can give up, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength.” – Unknown. 

I have learnt to focus on the things I should hold onto, and improved my speed of folding up the things I should let go of. 

Hold it all together – observation, contemplation, conversation, relation, action and position. 

 

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40+FAB Blog

Position yourself

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

July 13, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

There are many quotes about the wisdom of starting all over when things have gone badly wrong. It takes strength, courage and character to go back to the drawing board. Sometimes, what is recreated is a lot better than what initially existed. 

Even though this may be true, it is likely that one may have gone through several cycles of a restart and come out with a pretty good position in life. At this point the lesson of starting over is well known, so rather than go through that cycle again, one must develop a strong commitment to protecting the growth and achievements attained. 

Remember the proverbial thief that came in the night? If the householder knew when he would come, he would have prepared himself against an invasion. So, instead of anticipating when the thief will come, why not just live prepared, live ready. 

In business circles, there is a lot of talk about risk and how to mitigate it. Companies ask, “what do we do to hold our position of service if things go wrong?” These are the types of establishments that you hear are holding their market share – they are holding their position in the market place.

Your life is worth more than any business venture, so what are the risks that you may be exposed to which could bring you down, and how do you mitigate them? Answering these questions helps you to maintain and protect the position you have attained and reduce the possibility of losing it overnight. 

There is a lesson to be learnt from the tree. It stands in its position, holding on to the ground with its roots and passing through all kinds of adverse weather. Even though it looks like it is going nowhere fast, that tree knows it has found good ground and is growing somewhere slowly but surely. The plant that creeps everywhere is nowhere to be found after 100 years, while the tree becomes the landmark in that same place. 

Hold on to observation, contemplation, conversation, relation, action and position.

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40+FAB Blog

Cultivate winning actions

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

July 12, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

Who do you want to be? What are you trying to achieve? Where are you attempting to get to? Who would you love to be with? What must you have? You can’t desire to be the world’s marathon champion and only run half a mile every other day after lunch. Your action right there just informed me of your priority. 

It is by action that one proves their interest in a thing. Do you want to hold on to that relationship, job, physique, promotion, property, access, or membership? Then, there is something that you must start or continue to do to maintain or attain it. Once you set the priority by your consistent actions, chances are you will succeed. 

It is consistent action in any field that guarantees sure results. The only instance in which a first time participant could be a winner is in the lottery (and such likes), and the chances of winning are 1 in possibly 100 million (depending on how many others are participating). 

Your action in your chosen endeavour however can make you a master at it and even though there are about 6 billion people on the planet, you are guaranteed a better outcome from action than if you played the lottery. 

At reproduction, you were one sperm cell among possibly 40-500 million all aiming to fertilize a single ovum. However, your action of swimming towards the goal without giving up set you apart from so many others, and here you are today. 

Know this, your action reduces the odds of the number of people that are able to compete against you in any area you have chosen to focus. After a while, it refines you remarkably bringing out your very best until the only competition left will be with yourself. This is where you become the one to reference in your area of enterprise and beyond. 

I want to cultivate my set of actions that distinguish me from the rest and make me the best I was born to be. I want to hold on to actions that refine me, define me and confine me to greatness! 

Hold on to observation, contemplation, conversation, relation and action

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40+FAB Blog

Keeping transformative associates

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

July 11, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

A good conversation is an open door that leads one into the possibility of a new relationship. This applies to all, from the prime leader of a nation, establishment or movement, to the young child making a new friend at school. What is said has the potential to win hearts and minds. 
People are important, and most times they hold the key to new experiences that we want to enter. They become a kind of gatekeeper to those things. 

When I was growing up, no one needed to tell me that mummy was the gatekeeper to good things like sweets and ice cream. As long as I was a ‘good boy’ and did those things she approved of, I got my regular fix. When I failed to hold up my end of this mutually beneficial relationship, I missed out on my goodies. 

Do you remember the gatekeepers to the cliques you so wanted to be a part of in high school? As long as they were your friends, everyone in the group was fine with you, but when you fell out with them, the whole group turned its back on you. I fell out with such a gatekeeper once in primary school, and when everyone turned their back on me, I took matters into my own hands by roughing him up pretty badly. I eventually made that relationship good by revisiting the basics for establishing one – good conversation. 

Holding on to the right relationship is an important factor that can make or break us. There is a proverb that says “show me your friends and I will tell you who you are.” 

Who do you want to be? There is someone, somewhere who is key to helping you be that person. You need to find them and initiate a relationship with them, holding on to it until that connection serves it purpose. 

Hold on to observation, contemplation, conversation and relation.

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40+FAB Blog

Are you speaking right?

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

July 10, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

Conversations are powerful tools that are used to convince, convict, command, influence, reveal, express, etc. They can make or break. Every important aspect of our lives will be decided as a result of a conversation. 

A proposal for a relationship is a conversation. Buying and selling is done through conversation. An interview is a conversation. Carrying out our daily work tasks is punctuated by conversation. Deals are sealed in a conversation. Prayer is a conversation. 

Conversations are too important for one to mess about with. You have to hold a conversation until you are able to get to your desired aim. An older friend of mine who gets quite comical in sharing his unique perspectives on things once pointed out to me someone he reckoned had “diarrhoea of the mouth and constipation of ideas”. 

No one wants to be in the company of one such person that babbles on aimlessly for hours, but on the other extreme though, it is tough trying to speak to someone who won’t give much of a response in a conversation.

Conversation must be held at the appropriate level with the appropriate people. It is one of the great arts most people assume that an individual possesses naturally or that one lacks instinctively, however, the ability to do it right can be learned and practised until the student becomes a master at it. 

I have learnt the importance and power of being able to hold the right conversation, but also to fold up the wrong ones. The tongue is a powerful thing and the one that uses it right in conversation will be formidable in their endeavours. 

You may be one conversation away from your biggest breakthrough. Learn how to communicate properly and speak out your refined contemplation. Who knows what the next conversation you hold will bring. 

Hold on to observation, contemplation and conversation.

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40+FAB Blog

What are you thinking?

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

July 9, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

We live in a world that is driven by triggers. According to the laws of motion, an object that is stationary remains so until it is disturbed to attain motion. Actions are followed by reactions, just like calls are followed by responses. Nothing just happens, even in the realm of our thoughts. Thoughts need triggers. I never get offended by people I did not notice, but as soon as I notice that they did not respond when I said hello, or they looked at me funny (trigger), I begin to think, “that person doesn’t seem to like me”. I would never have thought it if I never observed it. 

Constructive positive thinking is hard work because once thinking has been triggered it must be sustained. I like this quote that says, “The mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be kindled.” The problem with fire is that it goes out if it is not supplied with enough fuel to keep burning. 

What we observe is like a matchstick that kindles a light in our mind but only for a few moments. I have learnt to take that transient spark and hold it on the candle of my contemplation until I am able to extract and distil wisdom for action from what I have observed. Information and ideas bombard me every day and I need to retain some of them if I am to be more effective with my life. 

There are two things I have learnt to practice to strengthen the hold on my contemplation. They are meditation and documentation. To meditate is to reflect on a thought, i.e. to revisit that thought; just like a cow regurgitates the grass it had eaten earlier to chew it properly for digestion in the stomach. Documentation – I write down my thoughts about an issue so I don’t forget what I observed and thought initially. 

Hold on to observation and contemplation. 

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40+FAB Blog

What do you see?

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

July 8, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

The human mind has been designed in such a way that allows it to absorb knowledge quickest by means of observation. Personal development
researchers say that we learn 83% through sight, 11% through hearing, 3.5% through smell, 1.5% through touch and 1% through taste.

Observation gives birth to thinking and learning. If one can hold observation for long enough, thoughts that produce dividends of applicable knowledge will surely crystalize. From the stats above, it appears that experience is not necessarily the best teacher as only 6% of what is learnt about the world around us is by experience (touch, taste and smell).

Environment is very important to observation. If you are in a positive environment, you will observe positive things and therefore think positively. The same is true if you happen to be in the wrong environment, your thinking will eventually be all wrong. The outcome of observation then is almost synonymous with the environment in which it happens.

I keep reminding myself that my greatest learning comes from my ability to hold my observations. I also assess the kind of environment I am exposed
to as this influences what I eventually learn. I can change my environment – if not physically, then through the stories of others spoken in conversation, written in books or recorded in multimedia. This makes me discipline myself to change my environment from time to time by the various means mentioned to ensure that I am putting things into proper perspective as the world is much bigger than my personal view of it.

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40+FAB Blog

What will you hold?

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

July 7, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

I remember the song by the country western singer, Kenny Rogers, called ‘The Gambler’. The lyrics of the refrain go something like this:

You’ve got to know when to hold ‘em
Know when to fold ‘em
Know when to walk away
Know when to run
You never count your money
When you’re sittin’ at the table
There’ll be time enough for countin’
When the dealin’s done.

The gambler seemed to be an expert at his card game for he knew what to hold on to and let go of at the right moment in time. There is a truth in what
the gambler had to say, as it is wise to hold on to what is an advantage, and fold – let go of – what could cause damage.

Have you ever used expressions like: “He can’t hold down a good job”? “She didn’t hold on to her man”. “He tried to hold a meaningful conversation with her”. “He failed to hold up his end of the bargain”. “She knows how to hold her own”. “Get a hold of yourself!” “Hold your tongue”. “Hold your
head up high”. “I hold him in high esteem”.

Well, one key attribute of effective people is their ability to hold on to things. To hold something for long enough is to keep it in a stable condition. Stability is a good ground for growth and success. You sometimes need to hold on to certain disciplines or habits for long enough until they become a part of you.

I have learnt of 6 main areas where there is a need to develop the ability to hold or fold things in order to release my greatest potential.

To be continued…

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40+FAB Blog

The cost of opportunity

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

July 6, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

When I say the cost of opportunity, you may ask, don’t you mean opportunity cost? Or you may say that they both mean the same thing. Well, contrary to that thinking, they are two very different things, so let me explain.

Opportunity cost is the value of the next best thing you give up whenever you make a decision. It is “the loss of potential gain from other alternatives when one alternative is chosen”. So, if I choose to study medicine instead of law, then the opportunity cost is that I cannot become a lawyer as long as I am pursuing medicine.

We all pay the opportunity cost on a daily basis whether we want to or not. It could also be quite unintentional that we do.

On the other hand, the cost of opportunity is something that is very intentional and is the real price that has to be paid for success. There are many people who choose to study medicine, but not all are willing to pay the cost for that opportunity. The sleepless nights, the discipline of spending hours reading and studying, the boldness to face cadaver’s to perform procedures, the tenacity to hang on for more years than other courses do to complete the training, the delayed gratification of getting an initially well paying job and so forth.

Opportunity cost is mandatory and foundational, but the cost of opportunity is optional but leads to completion. No one ever plans to live in a foundation no matter how much it cost.

Opportunity cost will get you through the door, but the cost of opportunity determines if you will remain within the house. If you think you have paid a high enough price in opportunity cost, then think again because there is a cost for the opportunity you have now.

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