I have learnt a few things about change over the many years of trying and failing to change in certain areas. For various reasons, such as ignorance, faulty beliefs, stubbornness or some kind of pleasurable gain, we fail to change.

When we get stuck in a certain way of doing things, it takes an even longer time or more effort to effect a change. Some people believe that change happens instantly, others believe it takes time, so which is right? The answer is both.

Our ability to change course in life is like a massive ship in the ocean. It takes the captain a few seconds to change course at the helm, but the ship does not respond immediately and it takes a while for the whole body to adjust to the new direction. We can hear truth or information that crystallises a decision to change in our lives. In that moment, we have actually changed course, but everything on the outside remains the same. If we keep those new coordinates in the centre of our mind, then our life slowly but surely begins to line up with the decision we have made, and so over the course of weeks, months or years, we begin to reap the results of the decision we made.

Be mindful of the moments when you can make the turn, the decision to change, and then through determination, follow that decision until you see the physical results of the change you wanted.

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Dead man walking

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

January 20, 2021

- 40+FAB Blog

We may have seen this in one of many American movies out there, where a condemned man walking from his prison cell to a place of execution has a herald announcing before him “Dead man walking!”

Those condemned to execution would be remembered for the heinous crimes they committed, and because of what they did they were made to face thier death. In other words, thier actions created what would define the final moments of thier walk to thier death.

It is not at the final moments of our lives that we become dead men (or women) walking. Right from when we are born, we are thrust onto the path that inevitable leads to demise, and to truly live is to embrace the reality of dying. The question is, when you take your final walk, what would be the memories of you leading down that path?

Every day we live, we have an opportunity to etch in time what would be etched on our epitaph. Live each day with the end in mind, for you have the opportunity to create what your life would have been with every single moment you have been blessed to live.

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Having the right energy

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

January 19, 2021

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I heard someone describe money as having a type of energy. I thought to myself, what on earth could that mean. He then went further to explain that if you got some money from a family member who lovingly gave it to you, then what you received gave you a positive feeling. On the other hand, if a couple were divorced and the man had to pay alimony, he most likely pays it with a negative emotion, and his ex-wife is most likely receiving it with a negative emotion too.

In both cases above, money changed hands, but in one it had a positive energy and in the other, it had a negative energy. One could say that money is neutral, and indeed a number of inanimate things that humans find a way to use could be termed as neutral, however, these things tend to possess an energy that ordinarily they shouldn’t.

The reality is we are the ones that give our energy or emotions to the things around us. and as the quote from Shakespeare goes, “For there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” The type of energy or vibe that is predominantly around us is that which we have allowed by our thinking or emotional state. If someone is giving you something with bad energy, you have a choice not to receive it. Don’t receive the insult, don’t take the call, don’t encourage the conversation, protect your emotions.

On the other hand, you also need to control the energy with which you give things. Be joyful, be thankful, appreciate others, be gracious, be enthusiastic. Don’t wait for the external conditions to bring the right energy and feelings into your life, you are the one that controls these things with an attitude that is right.

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The need to cross-check

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

January 18, 2021

- 40+FAB Blog

Have you ever worked for someone who seemed to be so pedantic about ensuring that work was checked, double checked, triple checked and then cross-checked? I remember my English teacher in primary school always shouting, “dot your i’s and cross your t’s”.

The older I get, the more I realise the wisdom in cross-checking whatever is done, even if one has become an expert at doing it. It may seem like a waste of time to do that due diligence until you actually realise that you have missed out something so fundamental that you thought was there.

Today, I was uploading some data and it was a really simple step to transfer the names from an excel sheet to the database. I then tried to link the names to a group in the database and it would not work. I spent almost an hour investigating what could be wrong, only to go back to my original excel sheet and discover that I had not uploaded ID numbers with the names which were essential to link to that group. In my mind, I had carried out that step and even though the completion page showed the ID’s missing, I did not see such a glaring mistake because I was not cross-checking my work as I was so sure that I had done it right.

I was in a hurry to get things done, and so the 2 extra minutes I should have spent cross-checking I tried to save by moving to the next step without the necessary review. The only thing was that that two minutes I saved cost me an hour extra trying to sort out my error.

So, what do you do so well that you have assumed that you don’t need to check? Where are you trying to cut time or monetary corners by not double checking? It may get you by for a while, but on the day that it goes wrong, you would have wished that you took the little time it takes to cross-check.

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Holding your nerve

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

January 17, 2021

- 40+FAB Blog

From time to time, there are significant events that we have to plan in life, be it personal, family related, social functions or work. At those times we give an extra level of attention and focus to all the steps that need to be taken to pull off the event.

As the day draws near, we somehow get more tense and impatient with things that don’t seem to be falling into place to make the day the success we desire. One thing that is absolutely mandatory for us to do is to hold our nerve.

The day will come, then it will pass – most times very quickly. You need to weigh the cost of the weeks of worry and stress, the outbursts of anger towards family, friends or colleagues, the many late and sleepless nights, and all the other trappings that can come when we are under pressure. Would it be worth it to “gain the world but lose your soul”?

The problem is not in the pressure or in the process we have to work through to get excellent results, rather, the weight that will tip the balance over lies within us. When we learn to hold our nerve, when we learn to let patience rule in the midst of pressure, or to be fair to others when we are in the fire, then we would have learnt a very important lesson in being a master over situations.

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Dealing with you

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

January 16, 2021

- 40+FAB Blog

I read a book many years ago called Leadership and Self Deception, which drove home a very important point I have never forgotten. Sometimes the problem in a situation is actually you, and if you are not aware, you will keep looking for the problem externally and will never be able to solve it.

This is not about blaming yourself or focusing on what is wrong with you, it is more about being open to the possibility that you might need to change your belief, position, argument, theory or actions in order to be able to effectively deal with a challenging situation.

One way to deal with you is to see yourself through the eyes of others. So, be brave enough to ask people who you trust, and who are likely to tell you the truth, how they really see you. Do a 360 degree investigation, ask those you look up to, your colleagues and those that look up to you. It might amaze you how others are able to pick up on the very things you are unable and probably unwilling to see.

Take whatever feedback is given and sit down with yourself and come up with a plan to make the necessary adjustment to be a better version of yourself. It is not easy to do, but it is very worth it and could just be what you need to get from good to great.

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Working together

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

January 15, 2021

- 40+FAB Blog

I would say this is probably one of the most desirable qualities to consider in the employability of any person in the 21st century. Indeed, in any type of relationship where productivity is required, be it a marriage, a family, a business, etc., the ability to work with others cannot be overstated.

It doesn’t matter how smart, gifted or talented an individual might be, if they are not able to work with others, people would rather settle for someone with less ability but who is able to work well with others. I am sure you know a few people who were great at what they did, but were no fun to hang around.

The saying is true that a team working together will always beat an opponent working alone. Don’t settle to just be the best at what you do, find people with whom you can work together, and take your results to a whole new level.

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You have the price to pay

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

January 14, 2021

- 40+FAB Blog

In 2014 after I had finished my masters degree in the UK, I did not secure a job and so was barely able to pay my living expenses. I also had a balance of school fee’s to pay and felt like such a failure that I desired to flee to my birth country, Nigeria. The problem was, I did not have the price to pay for my ticket. Over the course of about three months and a focus on what to do next rather than on my predicament, I was able to earn a few thousand pounds, so I cleared my debt and had enough left for the price of my ticket. This was possible because I used the few pounds I had to buy some equipment to perform interior decoration. The equipment enabled me to complete a few jobs which gained me the funds I needed.

As I reflect on that part of my life it makes me realise one thing, that is, there’s always enough in our hands to pay the price for our next level. It also made me aware of two things about the price of greatness.

Firstly, you may have a smaller amount than what greatness demands, but you can earn interest on what you have, when you use it, to gain what you need to pay the greater price. The price for greatness is always paid in levels and you will have to work out what sacrifice to make at each level, knowing that the right decision will yield you the price you need for the next level.

Secondly, the price we all need to pay for our greatness is in our hands. Too many times we are looking at the price tag for somebody else’s greatness so we work harder and harder, sacrificing more and more to get what is not meant for us. If every time you want to pay for it you fall short, then you really need to ask yourself if you are pursuing the right thing.

Work from where you are and as you pursue what your true calling is, you will find that you have the price to pay for your next level of greatness.

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Perception and access

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

January 13, 2021

- 40+FAB Blog

To truly benefit from the value of anything be it a person, a place or a thing, there must be a perception of what the value is and access to it.

For centuries, crude oil meant nothing to several generations. In some cases, there was no access to it, in other cases where they came across the black oil, there was no perception of value in it. In our own generation though, we have seen that it has been responsible for the generation of numerous value products from petrol to plastics.

There is so much value in and around us but they go unrecognised due to lack of perception and access. We must become better at improving our perception on what is valuable, and then increasing our drive to find it out, no matter how deep it is buried.

Make it a rule of thumb in your life to seek out the value all around you and closer than you think.

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Collect it for use

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

January 12, 2021

- 40+FAB Blog

We sometimes fall into that cycle of collecting things that we eventually do not use. For instance, we store our plastic bags from our shopping intending to use them again, yet months go by and we realise that we have a cupboard full of plastic bags.

This same scenario applies to so many other things we collect which we perceive to be valuable to us. Money and material wealth are top of the collectible list for loads of people and they amass as much as they can so that after taking care of thier necessities there is much left over. However, having a lot of money and not using it is pointless. Is it possible to have money and not use it? Absolutely!

There are people that have a fortune sitting in all types of assets and financial instruments doing nothing worthwhile for anyone. As with money, so it is with knowledge. No matter how much of it you amass, it helps no one if it is not used.

Do an inventory of all the things that you are working so hard to collect and ask yourself, am I really using it? Don’t be a curator of collectible things that you cannot use. Life is lived to the full when we are able to use all that we acquire or that comes to us.

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Making the turn

Dead man walking

Having the right energy

The need to cross-check

Holding your nerve

Dealing with you

Working together

You have the price to pay

Perception and access

Collect it for use