Does normal actually exist? About 200 years ago, it was normal in certain countries to be fully clothed in public, even at a beach. It would have been totally out of place to step out of your house in a shirt and a pair of shorts. You would have been considered ‘naked’ and probably lunatic too.

Normal is the standard that we all accept as a society. Sometimes the right thing is not considered to be normal, and the wrong thing can be embraced as being normal.

What is more important is for us to live in accordance with values that we consider to be right and as best as possible within the laws of the land. We should not allow pressure to make us conform to what is ‘normal’ if it doesn’t best fit in with our own unique situation.

Remember that a number of people who changed the world did not allow what was normal to stop them from living in a way that best suited thier circumstances, and how they lived ended up forming a part of what we all now accept as normal.

40+FAB Blog

Taking the risk

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

April 30, 2021

- 40+FAB Blog

“But only when we do something new do we often begin to become someone new.” – Seth Godin

You will find that not too many people are willing to take the risk to do something new for several reasons. We tell ourselves, ‘It is unfamiliar’, ‘It is not safe’, ‘I don’t know how to do it’, and so on.

We forget that the process of growth is all about taking risks and trying to do something we have never done before. We need to learn from babies, they will try to walk, they will try to talk, they will try and do what they see the grown-up’s around them doing, and they will keep trying until they do it.

Just because you have never done something before, or don’t know how to do it, doesn’t make it unsafe. Many have started businesses and boomed, others have changed careers and bloomed, and some have studied in new fields and zoomed.

Taking the risk is not as risky as we think it is, but it is a necessary part of moving forward as humans. This is why we seem to discover outstanding leaders, innovative thinkers and enigmatic entrepreneurs in times of great crisis and uncertainties. Is it really because they were that good in themselves, or was it because the occasion forced them all to take the risk?

40+FAB Blog

Running out of options

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

April 29, 2021

- 40+FAB Blog

Have you ever played any of those games where you are given 3 chances to accomplish a task, and the more you try, the less chances you have left? Or maybe you have heard of the fables of the genies that give 3 wishes for anything, but you cannot wish to have more wishes.

Sometimes, we allow ourselves to fall into the trap of using all the options and resources we have to try and solve a problem, and we only eventually seek help elsewhere when we have run out of options or resources. We kind of follow the path of the gamer or the one who found the genie’s lamp, believing that we only get any help within our options.

What if we started out from a place of getting more help and options long before we start running out of options? I have discovered that when my bag is still full of my options, I don’t come across as desperate when I approach others for help and advice. This has allowed me to reap the benefit of thier experience even before I start trying to solve my problems. On the other hand, when I have expended myself and run out of options, as I approach others to help, there is a desperation in me that causes them to either give an excuse as to why they can’t help, or to offer assistance that is minimal.

If you have ever tried securing a job while unemployed, you will find recruiters show less enthusiasm towards you, and your negotiating power is somehow limited. However, I found my desirability and negotiating power a lot higher when I applied for a new job while still employed at an old one.

Try approaching things from a place where you have more time, options and resources. Use your time to buy more time, your options to get more options and your resources to secure more resources. You will find that if you do this, you will never run out of options before you get the solution that you need.

40+FAB Blog

Redistributor

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

April 28, 2021

- 40+FAB Blog

There are a significant number of companies that have built multimillion dollar organisations through redistribution activities. So prevalent are thier services that they become as popular as the companies that manufacture the best products. Millions of customers worldwide have come to rely on distribution networks to access goods they have purchased.

Sometimes, the closest link a customer has to the manufacturing company is the distributor. But as useful as the distributor is to the manufacturers and the end users, they can never, and indeed should never pose to be the producer of the goods. That action could jeopardise thier relationship with the manufacturers and lead to loss of business.

Have you ever considered that many of the roles you play in life is that of a redistributor? You may represent a family, a profession, a company or even a religion. Your function is to deliver on the value and promises of what you represent to the best of your abilities. Sometimes, one could get so caught up in doing such a good job that unconsciously they begin to assume the place of the originator, some people call this the God-complex.

We must examine our lives carefully and discern between what has been committed to us to redistribute, and what we actually originated. We must beware of pride especially when we realise we are only a part of a system that facilitates the redistribution of knowledge, values and products that originated in generations past.

There is nothing wrong in being a redistributor, and doing it joyfully could lead you to discover unique innovations that can become substance originating from you to the world around you.

40+FAB Blog

Happiness isn’t everything

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

April 27, 2021

- 40+FAB Blog

Sometimes the realities of life that our parents tried to teach us do not really become apparent until much later in life, like when we become responsible for others.

The pursuit of happiness in everything at all times is really a futile quest that causes one to become a lopsided creature. It became really clear to me when I realised that trying to keep my children happy all the time sometimes meant creating unnatural conditions that tried to by pass vital emotions, which they need to develop in a wholesome way, like patience or resilience.

There is a really good movie by Pixar animations titled Inside Out, which addresses this concept so well. Happiness is only one of the many emotions that we possess, and just like all the four weather seasons have a purpose, so do all our other emotions that we sometimes try to repress in favour of happiness.

Sunshine is great, but the earth also needs the rain. Happiness is an awesome emotion, but we need to be able to deal with sadness, anger, patience, fear and many other emotions. Sometimes, as counterintuitive as it sounds, our greatest moments of happiness come after a season of much pain and sadness.

Do not let your life be skewed by an unbalanced pursuit of only one emotion. Understand the purpose of every emotion and give them thier time and rightful place to make your life more balanced and fulfilled.

40+FAB Blog

Strengths don’t cure weakness

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

April 26, 2021

- 40+FAB Blog

I loved reading comics back in the days, especially those that depicted superheroes. One of the super heroes that me and my friends wanted to be like was Superman. Why not? After all, he was super strong, he could fly, he had laser beams shoot out of his eyes, he could hear conversations miles away and much more. However, superman had a weakness that incapacitated all his powers. When he got around a piece of a green rock called Kryptonite, he became so weak he could hardly stand.

It is an age old fallacy that has deceived man for millennia, which makes us believe that the stronger we are, the less power our weaknesses have over us. This is why we assume that if our strength has brought us great success or acclaim, it somehow compensates for our weaknesses. So we invest in our strengths, but for the primary purpose of stamping out our weakness.

However, I have come to realise that strengths and weaknesses within an individual may have no bearing one on another. This is why a highly educated academic could be addicted to gambling. Many have been abused by someone who was very competent in one area of thier public life, but were morally weak in thier private life.

People with strength are usually given the benefit of the doubt in thier area of weakness, but this is always a big mistake because strength does not cure weakness.

It is important to understand that we all have both strengths and weaknesses, and we should be eager to identify both if we are to be successful. You are meant to develop your strengths, and mitigate your weaknesses.

Don’t spend time trying to make your weakness a strength, and also do not try to use your strengths to paper over your weaknesses. Recognise your strengths for what they are and where they are meant to be used. Manage your weaknesses so that they do not take you down on the day that you are meant to be exalted.

40+FAB Blog

Didn’t ask to be born

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

April 25, 2021

- 40+FAB Blog

I watched two movies over the weekend and they were very different, one was a science fiction, and the other was a drama. But one thing stood out to me from both of them, a child was being accused by thier care giver of being such a useless child.

It hit me really hard as I tried to comprehend how a child could be branded as having failed at knowing the right things to do without the full consent of thier care givers implicitly or openly. I don’t believe that a child should ever be blamed for how they are turning out. Children are certainly a product of what thier parents or caregivers have been able to invest in them to get them onto the right path in life.

A child should never be blamed because they didn’t ask to be born, they didn’t determine the circumstances of thier conception or birth no matter how unpleasant they were, they didn’t determine the handicaps they were born with, they are totally reliant on thier caregivers until they get to an age of accountability. Need I add more to this?

If you were that child that was blamed unjustly, be free today! It was not your fault. If you have a child that you blame, think again and apportion the blame where it truly belongs, then accept the child in your life and commit to giving them all that they need to make a success of thier lives. Please don’t burden a child with something that they had no control over, and do look out to help a child or a care giver locked within such situations.

40+FAB Blog

Do you accept it?

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

April 24, 2021

- 40+FAB Blog

Probably one of the greatest gifts one can possess is the ability to accept the hand that you have been dealt in life. When one realises that acceptance does not necessarily mean that you are stuck and can’t do anything about it, only then does it become a viable proposition.

Think about what life gives you like a wad of cash handed to you. You can put it under your pillow and live with it, exactly as it is, for the rest of your life, or you can spend it and get something else with it. Be it positive or negative, what you choose to do with your lot in life will determine how far you will progress.

Maybe you have come to a place of acceptance but are now wondering, “How can I live my best life within my situation?” The simple answer I found to this was to look at other people who have handicaps very similar to mine, but have gone on to flourish in spite of them. Learning from others gives you ideas of how to turn your situations into something more than you have been given.

I therefore accept my life, I accept my strengths, I accept my weaknesses, I accept my family, I accept my spouse, I accept my children, I accept my race, I accept my gender, I accept my nation, I wholly accept my lot in life. It is something that has been given to me that I am able to work with and create enough value to live my best life.

40+FAB Blog

We don’t need your potential

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

April 23, 2021

- 40+FAB Blog

Potential is a wonderful thing that we are all born with, and if our birth family was able to recognise it, help us develop it, and be patient enough to see us produce from it, then we are most fortunate and blessed indeed.

Once you recognise what you are capable of, even though in its fledgling form, there is a confidence and expectation that you will go through life with, knowing that it is only a matter of time for that thing to reveal you as the champion you see on the inside. Unfortunately, not everyone else see’s or is patient enough for your promised abilities to come through. A vast number that you will encounter want a finished product to deal with and don’t have the time to wait for you to manifest.

There is nothing more crushing than knowing you could accomplish great things, but you are not given the chance to do so. The reality is that not many people are willing to take the risk of you practicing to hone your skills on thier own time and resources. This is the classic case of applying for the job after graduating from university, but being told you don’t have the ‘experience’ for the job. Where is a graduate expected to get experience from?

At many junctures in your life you will meet the people and institutions that will tell you in other words, ‘We don’t need your potential’, and you can’t really blame them. You owe it to yourself to develop what you have to the point where men will seek you out fervently, needing you to provide your skills and talents to solve thier particular needs.

Don’t get too despondent about those that don’t need your potential right now, but ensure you are surrounded by those who need you first, and will work with you until you produce the dividends that you know you have always been capable of.

40+FAB Blog

The patterns of mistakes

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

April 22, 2021

- 40+FAB Blog

There is no one under the sun who has not made a mistake at one point in thier existence. Mistakes are unpleasant when they occur because they result in outcomes that were not desired or expected.

One thing I realised about mistakes is that they are repeatable, and most times if conscious corrective action is not taken, we are likely to fall into a pattern that leads us to make the same type of mistake over and over again.

I have been in a situation more than once where I have accepted to work at a job that was way below my earning potential, and this was not for lack of a better paying job. As I looked back to understand why, I uncovered a pattern of how I felt and what my rationale was for taking those jobs.

The first time I made this mistake was after I went for an interview and the person that spoke with me, who happened to be very well respected in a very reputable organisation, questioned my competence as a graduate. After the interview, I felt diminished and wondered if I would ever have a decent career, so, when someone recommended me for a really low paying job, I jumped at the opportunity because at that moment, I saw it as my only hope.

It was a mistake to let one persons opinion ruin my outlook for a positive future. The pattern of people or situations knocking my self confidence showed me that it caused me to make a similar mistake later. But, when I identified the patterns that led to my mistakes, I employed strategies to mitigate them. As at today, I have worked at some world class organisations that would make mouths of any recruiters water when they see my CV.

Can you identify the patterns that lead to your mistakes? It is important to do so, because each time you allow the pattern to repeat itself, the magnitude of the mistake somehow grows bigger. We are creatures of habit, but the good news is that we can choose to break old habits and form new ones. Identifying the patterns of our mistakes is an important step in dealing with them for good.

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No pressure to be normal

Taking the risk

Running out of options

Redistributor

Happiness isn’t everything

Strengths don’t cure weakness

Didn’t ask to be born

Do you accept it?

We don’t need your potential

The patterns of mistakes