I have been reminded all week about the power of being specific. The shortest distance between where you are now and where you want to be is the route determined by being specific. Be it your dinner, what to watch on TV, choice of clothes or where you would be by this time next year.

Th more specific you can be about it, the faster and more likely you are to get there. This is possibly the difference in the amount of time it takes a man and a woman to do thier shopping. Most men usually know what size and colour they are after, they go in, get it and leave. On the other hand, most women know what it is they want, but they are not convinced about sizes, colours, fits etc. so they spend much more time sorting these out before they buy.

Are you experiencing any delay in what you are expecting to happen in your life? Perhaps you need to check if your expectations were based on very specific outcomes, and if not, it is not too late to visit them again and define what you are looking to achieve in very clear, smart goal statements.

40+FAB Blog

Hang on

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

December 11, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

Sometimes we get tired of all the things we have to do especially on days when things don’t seem to be working out as we would expect. At that point our emotional energy is low and the propensity to snap out of frustration is high. There is perhaps one thing that we can do in such situations, and that is to just hang on.

At the end of a very long, busy, and gruelling week for me, and with an intense stomach ache, I stepped into the kitchen to clean up, only to notice a blocked drain to compound the problem of a leaking tap that the plumber had failed to come and fix. Children crying and shouting in the background did not help the scene. I thought for a moment what do I do? I felt like screaming and lashing out, but there was no one person or thing to channel this frustration. I took a deep breath and chose not to think of it much.

Taking a break from the situation I had my dinner and went back to the kitchen. I looked in the drain again and noticed a table knife was stuck in it. This was taken out and the sink became unblocked. Not too long after that, for no apparent reason, the lights all went out, again I went to the circuit board and put it back on.

It is not the first time I have had such a challenging day, and I am sure it is the same for you. But this day, I chose not to freak out and give in to my frustration, I hung in there with what little resolve I had left and all I thought was a calamity was all resolved without the great effort I thought it would take.

Whatever you are going through, just hang on, the change will come sooner than you think and with less effort than you thought necessary. Keep a good attitude, keep your head above the water, and wait with what little strength you have left.

40+FAB Blog

Rock, paper, scissors, God

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

December 10, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

I was driving my son home from tennis today and he was playing the game Rock, Paper, Scissors with his friend. The objective of the game is to defeat your opponent by selecting a weapon that defeats their choice under the following rules: Rock smashes Scissors, so Rock wins. Scissors cut Paper, so Scissors win. Paper covers Rock, so Paper wins. If players choose the same weapon, neither win and the game is played again. Both players call out thier weapon at the same time, and then the winner is picked based on thier weapon.

For some reason they decided to make it Rock, Volcano and God. They identified that volcano can destroy Rock, but is not strong enough to destroy God. So as they played the game guess what they each shouted out as thier answer?

It struck me that these children realised that if they had something in thier arsenal that could make them triumph over every opposition, they would use it every single time.

Gleaning from the wisdom of these kids, it made me wonder, would I always bring out my trump card when faced with obstacles from day to day? Would I always call on the strengths I have proven time and again to give me the edge, or would I just do whatever came to my mind in that moment?

The next time you get into your own little life game of Rock, Paper, Scissors, remember to bring out the weapon that is able to give you the advantage over the challenges you face.

40+FAB Blog

Addressing the inevitable

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

December 9, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

Jack Canfield said, “Change is inevitable in life. You can either resist it and potentially get run over by it, or you can choose to cooperate with it, adapt to it, and learn how to benefit from it. When you embrace change you will begin to see it as an opportunity for growth.”

When we think about it, we will see this great truth of life and the world we live in, that everything changes state. The living will die, what goes up will come down, those who have lost will gain, those who have gained will lose, the night will give way to the morning and the morning to the night.

When things are going badly for us, we love to focus on the inevitability that things will change for the better and so we prepare ourselves, we learn, we grow, we work hard, we expect, and when the change comes we embrace it to move forward.

On the other hand, there are some inevitable changes that we don’t like to think about and as soon as they pop in our minds we shut them down quickly. Death, possibly the most inevitable thing in our lives is one of the things we fail to address more than anything else. Denying it or refusing to consider it does not change its prognosis. We are better off dealing with it head on while we are full of life, and preparing ourselves and our loved ones as best we can for the weight of its blow when it finally lands.

The same can be said for failure and every other inevitable thing that we really do not care for. The level of our preparation in addressing these things will determine the level of our success and growth when they do finally occur.

40+FAB Blog

How strong is your core?

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

December 8, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

In the years of my childhood, there were certain attributes used to describe a man that was strong. One of them being that strong men were not supposed to cry, and if you could imbibe those traits, you were branded as hard core.

What exactly would be the reason to have a hard core? I have asked this several times, and the answers that came my way, either by my thinking or confirmation from others, is that a hard core helps you to shatter the resistance that stands against you, or for you to come out unbreakable in the face of resistance.

If that is the purpose of being hard core, then there are definitely other ways to get to that end with whatever type of core you have. There is a proverb about the soft tongue that breaks a bone, or the the tiny drops of water which bores a hole in the toughest of rocks. In both cases the soft thing becomes a force that breaks the hardest of things by consistency.

We are all built very differently and so we need to own our core and not be ashamed of who we are. No one describes a genteel lady as being hardcore, yet many have been able to shatter the resistance that thousands of men fighting together could not.

Whatever the strength of your core, adding consistence to it, like the drops of water against the stone, will keep you pushing against the things that resist your progress until they shatter completely.

40+FAB Blog

Is your mouth a trap?

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

December 7, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

There is a famous quote which is commonly attributed to Abraham Lincoln, which says, “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt.”

I am in no way insinuating to hide ignorance in silence or to cop out of necessary conversation by being quiet. However, if you have ever got yourself or others into a tight corner by speaking ill-advisedly (which I have done so many times), then you need to consider this.

I was once told, you have two ears and one mouth to remind you to listen twice as much as you speak. I heard the story of a man who was bidding for a huge textile contract against two other well known suppliers. He got himself ready to present on the merits of his product and was well prepared to highlight its advantages and dispel any doubts about it. On the day of the presentation, he woke up with laryngitis and could not cancel his attendance, so he went in and tried to speak to no avail. He eventually wrote on a note he had lost his voice and so the company president offered to read out his presentation and let the board discuss it. He stood there nodding, smiling and gesturing as they discussed. When the multimillion dollar contract was awarded, it was given to his company without him ever saying a word.

It goes without saying that what we say and how we say it has a huge impact on how others perceive us, and most times it is better to truly listen and let the other person do the talking so that we don’t walk ourselves into the trap which is the making of our own mouth.

40+FAB Blog

Disappointed with myself

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

December 6, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

It is one thing for people to be disappointed with you, I mean it is bad to have let others down, but whatever they may feel may not be quite accurate. For instance, someone could have expectations of you that you are totally unaware of. They are not necessarily strangers, for even in a marriage, spouses still grapple with misplaced expectations largely because they were not communicated.

On the other hand, self disappointment is very accurate, because you know what you intended, what you expected and then how you acted. It can be quite demoralising when you make up your mind to start doing something, or to stop it, and then you fail at the first hurdle. It is even more demoralising when you get back up again having learnt your lessons, and on your next attempt, you fall flat on your face again, either at the first hurdle or at the second.

It is wholesome advice to not beat yourself up for a couple of reasons, first is that you are actually aware that you need to change, a lot of people don’t even have that, and second is that you are trying and actually care that you become successful at it.

As with everything else in life, it takes time to produce something of satisfactory quality, this could sometimes mean several attempts to bring it up to scratch. So don’t be hard on yourself when you miss the mark, dust yourself up, re-strategize, plan, and then act in ways that will pull you closer to your desired end.

40+FAB Blog

So who’s wrong?

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

December 5, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

When we make a decision about something there is a sense of ourselves that we put into it and we get precious about defending our position. Most people will not decide on what they thought was obviously wrong as no one likes to be wrong.

An interesting fact about human nature is that when we are told we are wrong, our natural inclination is to defend our position, even if the facts prove we are wrong, no one likes being told so.

If we are to be successful in life and relationships with other people, we must take two positions seriously. First, never make it your mission to prove another person to be wrong, there are better ways to engage with another so that they become aware of the error of thier position, but being blunt and adamant about thier mistake will only raise up a defensive attitude in them, just as you will also eagerly defend your position when approached that way.

Second position to take is to be quick to acknowledge when you are wrong. Don’t wait for the other person to point out your flaws, you point them out and show you understand why it could upset others, then be willing to apologise for your errors where it is required. This takes out the fight from the other person to prove thier point, and in fact they might end up showing understanding as to why anyone else could have made the same mistake.

Ditch the attitude of always being right and the other person being wrong. No one likes such a person and in reality we are never always right. Be more willing to doubt your position when you are challenged, and be more sympathetic to the other persons position when you pull them up. In both cases, you can resolve the situation for the right outcome and also win a relationship in the process.

40+FAB Blog

It’s only a starting point

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

December 4, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

Knowledge is always progressive and most that have got to the pinnacle of success in thier fields would say that they realised that the more they got to know, the more they realised how much they did not know.

Whatever we know today is always going to be a starting point for something better. History is replete with stories of people who thought what they knew was the standard for the foreseeable future, however, others took thier knowledge to the next level. Some actually thought that cars would never catch on because the horse and cart was the ultimate transportation set up.

So, whenever you meet an expert in any field, rather than get intimidated by what they have to say, learn what you can with the understanding that all they know is just the starting point for something better.

When faced with dire situations and people proffer advice on the best way to get out of it, again, be conscious that all they know is just a starting point. Don’t let expert advice become the legitimacy for not seeking to improve.

I will advice that you get the knowledge available now, for if you don’t, you have not even come to the starting line to commence your race. When you get that knowledge, don’t confuse it for the finishing line when in fact it is just the starting line.

40+FAB Blog

Be POOR to become rich

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

December 3, 2020

- 40+FAB Blog

This is not the usual tale of rags to riches or encouraging you to go down before you can leap up, but it is exploring a framework for making better decisions or solving niggling problems.

I have read quite a bit about the things that differentiate the poor from the rich and these two themes keep coming out. Firstly, they make better decisions, and secondly, they solve significant problems.

I came across a problem solving framework summarised in the acronym POOR, which has been used by many to accomplish thier objectives.

P – Problem: What is the problem you are trying to solve? There has to be a reasonable understanding of the challenges, and the better we can define them, the better the chances are of solving them. We have to get all the details of the problems we are trying to solve.

O – Options: what are the alternative ways forward? We need to come up with as many paths as possible to the solution we seek, this gives us a greater chance of coming up with a good one. You can read yesterdays blog on this – What are your options.

O – Outcomes: How will you know you have succeeded? When you look at the problem, what would success look like after you have dealt with it? If you are thirsty, you can drink water, but success for you in that situation might be to drink juice instead.

R – Recommendations: What is the most relevant course of action to take? Weigh the pros and cons of each option and decide on which one will most likely get you to your desired outcome, then plan actions to take on this.

This simple framework is used widely everyday by individuals and organisations to solve problems effectively. Give it a try for yourself and create the opportunities for you to move from POOR to rich.

PREVIOUS POSTSPage 22 of 63NEXT POSTS

Being specific

Hang on

Rock, paper, scissors, God

Addressing the inevitable

How strong is your core?

Is your mouth a trap?

Disappointed with myself

So who’s wrong?

It’s only a starting point

Be POOR to become rich