40+FAB Blog

Seems like it never ends

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

January 31, 2021

- 40+FAB Blog

As long as you have life, the things you will have to do seem like they never end. When I was in primary school, I worked hard to move on from there and go to secondary school, then I did the same to go on to University. After graduation, it felt like, yes, finally all education is over. Transitioning to work life became a process of constant learning, no half-terms, no holidays, and always having to deliver work which would be graded in some way or another.

It doesn’t apply to education only but is pretty much the same with everything else. I brush my teeth today, but have to do it again the next day. I washed my car and hoped it would be clean forever, but reality means I have to do it again in a couple of days. I made a bit of money this month, but it all goes on one bill or the other, so I have to keep doing what I do to replenish my accounts.

The cycle goes on and on and whether we wake or sleep, it keeps moving and keeps demanding. We have to know ourselves, know our limits and set our parameters to work in a way that favours us in all of the constant demands that life brings. Don’t let what you have to do regulate you, you regulate what you have to do and the results that follow.

0

---

40+FAB Blog

How to filter information

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

January 30, 2021

- 40+FAB Blog

What is the best way to ensure that one is not subject to the agenda’s of those reporting information in any form of media, whether personal or through various printed, audio visual or digital channels?

I read an article today on the importance of critical thinking and how we have not been trained much to do this in our generation. One of the points the author made was, you cannot be critical in thinking if you are not open to be proven wrong about your own preconceptions. Yes indeed, your position on any topic might indeed be wrong, or incomplete. This is certainly worth thinking about.

However, here are a few questions to ask to delve more into the agenda of those bringing you information.
1. What was the question that this information answers?
2. Why was the question asked in the first place?
3. Is the question valid or are there other questions that counteract the question being asked?
If the bearer of the news does not know or becomes defensive instead of answering, then they are probably not being objective with thier report but rather subjective and are sharing what validates thier position.

You are not a dumping ground for any argument, and you certainly have the right to challenge all those that come to you. Who knows you may learn something you never knew, or end up teaching someone what they never knew.

0

---

40+FAB Blog

Diamond in the rough

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

January 29, 2021

- 40+FAB Blog

As I watched the Disney cartoon Aladdin with my sons for the umpteenth time, I was again intrigued by the phrase used to describe the one that could handle the lamp – the diamond in the rough.

The Merriam-Webster dictionary describes a diamond in the rough as one having exceptional qualities or potential but lacking refinement or polish. It made me realise that just like Aladdin, we are all a diamond in the rough in one way or another.

I have met gifted persons with so much talent yet they lack the refinement of social interaction, education, or even manners. I had a brilliant tailor way back in the day who had people literally line up outside his shop to have thier clothes made. I remember it took him almost 3 months to sew a pair of trousers for me when he originally promised 2 weeks. Needless to say, I never went back to him again. He was an exceptional talent, but lacked the education and business acumen to capitalise on his customer base.

How many people have you met and thought, “Wow! What a talent! If only they could be a bit more…” But more importantly though, how many people have met you and thought the same thing?

It is time to pay a bit more attention to the things that will refine us and allow the magnitude of our talents to be served up by our well polished self.

0

---

40+FAB Blog

Take a step back

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

January 28, 2021

- 40+FAB Blog

It’s so easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of day to day life, and I don’t blame anyone who does because the things that need to be done demand attention and focus. Anyone trying to make a living will attest to this fact.

Today, after so many days of what seems like the longest and busiest start to any year for me, I stepped away from my desk to pick up my guitar which the children had knocked over. As I sat on a stool beside it, I looked back at my desk and realised that for days the only part of the room I had visited was that desk where I spent hours working. The whole room looked different to me from that angle, and I felt like I was in a new place. As I let it all sink in, a sense of gratitude filled my heart and I was thankful that I had a job that keeps me busy through these very difficult times. I began to think of all the things I was grateful for, and as I did, the many stressful days of the past weeks seemed to fade away in light of my gratitude.

When last did you stop and take a step back from everything you are doing, giving yourself the permission to look over everything without being pressured to deliver anything? In those moments, there is a great opportunity to discover things that you are grateful for, and your gratitude will release a sense of newness and strength into your consciousness.

0

---

40+FAB Blog

Finding the right group

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

January 27, 2021

- 40+FAB Blog

Grouping is a very effective way to sort things out quickly, systematically and correctly. If you have ever had to sort out a pile of anything whether it were socks or thoughts, cutlery or jewellery, books or hooks, you will agree that having a system to sort them out always helped. The order created by placing things in the right grouping is always worth the effort of going through that exercise.

With things, it is easy to sort them out with precision on the basis of colour, material, size etc. and our rational can be quite objective. However, we must be more careful when it comes to people as humans are too varied to be labelled and our analysis may turn out to be wrong because it is at best subjective.

Having said that, it is great to be part of a group to bring some kind of order and effectiveness into your life that you would otherwise not have access to striving on your own, and our similarities should lie along the lines of our values and interests more than any other attribute.

A problem exists where some group does all it can to make you fit into what they perceive is the way everyone in that group should be, and they will tend to despise your unique qualities and different ways of thinking or doing things. Whenever you are made to feel less appreciated and valued for who you are in a group, you are probably in the wrong place.

Don’t get me wrong, there is a place for challenge where being part of a group makes it clear that you need to improve, not because you are less than anyone, but because they have shown you that you can be more than you are currently accepting of yourself.

The one group tries to constrain you and hold you back in what they are used to, while the other group liberates you to be the best you can be. Choose your groups wisely and be ready to walk out of any group that is holding you back purely for thier own interests.

0

---

40+FAB Blog

Your money or your life

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

January 26, 2021

- 40+FAB Blog

I spent a lot of time playing outside with friends when growing up and we loved playing cops and robbers. Anytime we played the robber we would ask our victims, “your money or your life?” We did this because we were told that real armed robbers asked thier victims that question.

Can we actually separate our money from our lives? When you take into account how much time we invest in a business, career or entrepreneurial activity to gain money, we are literally spending our lives in exchange for money. I am not talking about being hung up on money, but on doing what is necessary to keep body and soul together.

If for some reason you were robbed of your salary for the month, then you have lost the reward of your time and indeed your life for that month. Anything that takes your money is indirectly taking away from your life too.

In this sense we cannot separate you from your money, and anyone robbing you is tearing away a part of your life as they snatch your money from you. We would normally report cases of robbery with the hope of bringing the perpetrators to justice, and this is encouraged in most societies.

But there is another case where our money or life is snatched away from us with our consent. This has to do with what we spend our money on. When we spend it on what I will call the ‘necessity’, we are spending within reason, but when we spend on what I will call the ‘luxury’, we are at the point of being robbed with our consent.

I will define a necessity as what is important for our day to day effectiveness. Food, transportation, utilities etc are well accepted necessities, but if I had to attend a business dinner, then it becomes a necessity also to get a smart tuxedo to get to that event. On the other hand, I will define a luxury as what we acquire for reasons that do not justify our expense. Food can be a luxury if you are giving in to greed and gluttony, just like any other addiction in the form of gambling, drugs, drinks, etc.

Necessities will refresh your life and keep you appreciative of what you have spent your time to acquire while luxuries will rob you and deplete you of your time and strength spent making the money to acquire them.

From now on, remember that your money is linked to your life, so think and spend it wisely on what will keep you appreciative of your life and not on what comes in to rob you of all that you are.

0

---

40+FAB Blog

I have no arms

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

January 25, 2021

- 40+FAB Blog

My 6 year old son wore one of my large shirts today and he was quite excited to say “I have no arms!” as he went about the house with his arms concealed under the shirt. It made me think how we hide abilities that we have to appear as something we are not.

In some of the circles I grew up in, sometimes you were made fun of for being to bright or too good, and so one had to pretend in order to fit in. Too many people are stuck in relationships where they are pulling back on who they truly are so that they do not lose the partner they are trying so desperately to please.

We may feel like we have achieved our purpose when we fit in by acting as less than who we are, but there will always be a sense of loss and a niggling feeling of knowing that you are more than this.

Another thing that happens is we are sometimes unaware of our true protentional because it is hidden somewhere within us and it usually takes a good friend or encourager to point it out.

Whatever the case, we should always strive to know, understand and use our gifts. Imagine having arms and not being able to use them, the ability to do something with the gifts we have leads to ultimate fulfilment in life. Lets do all we can to be all we can so we can live all we can.

0

---

40+FAB Blog

Exciting phenomena

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

January 24, 2021

- 40+FAB Blog

There is something about certain occurrences in nature that invoke wonder and excitement in us. One of such things is snow.

As I peered out of my window today, I noticed the snowflakes coming down, just then, one of my sons ran into my study shouting excitedly, “It is snowing! Can we go out and play?” Pretty soon the street was filled with people standing in front of thier houses throwing snowballs and building snowmen. Young and old alike were revelling in the amazing wonder of the snow.

From time to time, even nature reminds us to stop and appreciate all that is around us, to come out with our family or friends and play in the bounty of the free and simple yet wonderful things that surround us.

You don’t have to wait for a snowfall to be reminded to take a break from the busyness of life and grab those that surround you to take them outside to enjoy the scenery and to play because it is fun.

0

---

40+FAB Blog

Nothing like fake people

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

January 23, 2021

- 40+FAB Blog

I heard of the story of someone who found a porcelain vase in a car boot sale and paid next to nothing for it thinking it was pretty ordinary. It was later discovered that the vase was worth thousands.

Have you ever found something in the wrong place and wondered if it was original? Like a designer bag being sold on the floor at a roadside market. This is very common with products, but I have found it not to be true with people.

Humans are so unique that it is impossible to ever come across a fake person. I know we label people as fake, but that is trivialising the wonder of the human specie. Our finger prints, hair growth patterns, voice tone, retinas and other attributes are completely distinct from that of any other human being. So in essence, you cannot really call anyone fake.

When you understand that people trying to behave like what they are not doesn’t make them fake, you will deal with them with a little bit more of a human touch rather than as a product that needs to be avoided.

People hurt, so they behave like a fake. People find themselves in the wrong crowd and adapt to it, so they behave like a fake. People admire role models but don’t understand how to get there, so they behave like a fake. People get shoehorned into a lifestyle by those in authority over them, so they behave like a fake.

There is always a story of why a unique soul seeks to be what it is not, taking on behaviours which are not normal, and portraying it to those around, yet as convincing as those masks may be, the original priceless piece is hiding under the rubble of crushed convictions, hoping to be released and be all that it is meant to be.

Always remember, there is no such thing as fake people, only fake behaviour to divert away from who the true person is.

0

---

40+FAB Blog

Relationship commitment

By Olaolu Faj Opebiyi on

January 22, 2021

- 40+FAB Blog

A committed relationship is defined as an interpersonal relationship based upon agreed-upon commitment to one another involving love, trust, honesty, openness, or some other behaviour.

When I read that definition, it struck me that a lot of us are in relationships but we have no shared understanding of an agreed-upon commitment. The picture that came to my mind was the agreed-upon commitment I have with my phone company, thus my relationship with them clearly states that I can use my phone to make calls and consume data if I pay my phone bills, among other things. The clarity of those parameters has allowed me to stay with my service provider for years without any issues at all. But with some personal relationships, I find that I have been trying to make calls for services that don’t seem to be paid for and vice versa.

For every relationship we find ourselves in, be it with a lover, a friend, a parent or a child, there are agreed-upon commitments that we must honour to keep that relationship healthy and thriving. To one, love may mean spending time, to another it may mean giving gifts. If both parties do not share that understanding, then the relationship suffers because the one who wants time doesn’t appreciate the gifts and the one who gives the gifts doesn’t understand why the other is so hard to please.

Have you ever assumed someone to be your best friend, but they did not feel the same way about you? When you found out you were only one of thier friends it must have hurt. We must spend time to discuss the agreed-upon commitments that we have, and reach a place of shared understanding with all those we are in a relationship with. Don’t let assumptions linger as it will weaken the foundation of understanding and indeed commitment. Know where you stand with each person and give them the best of what your relationship agrees, and accept the best they have to offer you.

0

---