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40+FAB Blog

I grew up in the city of Lagos, Nigeria, and I remember the land my Dad bought to build his house was on the edge of a massive swampy forest. It was like living on the edge of a natural wildlife park. There were all manner of birds that flocked in the tree’s, the stream below teemed with little fishes that we would catch and keep in our aquarium. To cap it up, we even had monkeys that wandered into the yard at least once every week.

Out of all the creatures that inhabited that ecosystem, I will never forget my encounter with a 10 foot python. You see, we had been keeping chickens and grown the numbers to about 100 when we noticed chickens going missing over a period of weeks. Because the chickens were free range, we thought it could be a combination of them being stolen or eaten by stray dogs. However, we noticed that at least twice a week the chickens would go berserk in their pens once it got dark. This went on for a while until it became really irritating and so one evening my siblings and I lit a lantern and went to check what could be causing the racket.

As we flung the door open, a chicken dropped on the floor and we saw that it was dead, we looked up and there, on the top rail was this massive snake ready to pounce on another chicken. In alarm we threw what we had in our hands at it and it slithered into the darkness and out of the pen.
Over the next few nights, we became very vigilant to the faintest cries of the chickens. On a number of occasions we went in the pen to check why they were unsettled but we never saw that beast again.

If my neighbours had complained and said my chickens were creating a racket for no reason, I would have defended them. You don’t know what they have seen and what they have been through, so if they get jittery at shadows, please do not call them liars.

For about 400 years, one race has oppressed others and the racism still continues overtly and covertly, yet as soon as someone from the Afro community cries out to say I have been mistreated and will not take this anymore, people are quick to say, slavery is over, get a grip of yourself, stop the cancel culture, it doesn’t happen anymore, stop playing the race card, we have improved, we have done you a favour to let you in here, I don’t believe you, you are a liar.

Whether they are crying wolf or not, the wolves did rove for centuries and ravaged us even as recently as George Floyd. Whether they cackle in the night to the shadows, the python once came by and stole thier brethren and the memories are not that easy to erase. So please forgive my chickens for unsettling you in the night, and be understanding of what they have been through and don’t be too quick to call them liars.

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40+FAB Blog

Have you ever prepared to get ready for an event only to get there and discover that you had mistakenly taken the start time to be 1 hour earlier than it should have been? As annoying as that may be, you do find that being earlier or on time has many more advantages than being late.

In light of this, can one ever be over prepared or can preparation ever be a wasted effort? If we are to find out from a host of people what their experiences have been with regards to preparation, we would find more that would have suffered for not preparing, and almost none that would have been disadvantaged by overpreparing.

It is good practice to always have more than you need for any tasks that you need to do. If it takes an hour to do it, budget an hour and a half. If you have to spend a hundred pounds to build it, budget a hundred and fifty. If you need a couple of changes of clothes for the journey, take one more set. Consider your situation well and what needs to be done then always prepare for just that little extra. Preparation will never be a wasted effort.

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40+FAB Blog

What has your learning experience been like throughout your life? I heard a memory expert say that one of the things that helps us to recall information we have learnt is the experience we had when we were learning. You are more likely to remember things from a lesson you enjoyed than from one you endured.

If you think as far back as your primary school, you will probably still remember your nursery rhymes. This is most likely because they were put in a song with some actions that the whole class enjoyed performing. I still remember the dread I had of going to school back then, this was because we got punished for not demonstrating we understood the lesson. The fear and anxiety created was very counter productive to a desire to learn. No wonder so many never voluntarily pursue any further forms of learning unless they are forced to.

I find myself now transferring that anxiety of learning to my children as I expect them to demonstrate that they understand what they are being taught or else… When I catch myself doing this, I have to stop and reset my approach for it is more important for them to associate learning as a positive experience than to get an answer right. I don’t want them to grow up and have apprehensions about learning because of they way they were made to feel about it. Taking into account that children do need to be pushed beyond thier normal whining to do anything, they can be nudged in a constructive way and not with threats to do what we say. Learning is a life long skill and training in the discipline of it is key to setting up our children for life.

How have your learning experiences been? What can you do now to reset your mindset about learning? How can you support your children in creating a positive learning environment? Spend some time and really think about these things.

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40+FAB Blog

Most problems we face are actually fundamental rather than fortuitous. We sometimes wonder why we are so unlucky to be in the situation that we are in, but in reality our issues are determined by a manner of life we have become used to.

I always thought what I needed was more money to get out of debt so I landed a better paying job and increased my income greatly. For a while I was debt free, but I soon noticed that my debts crept up and before long, I was in deeper debt with more money than I was with less money. How unlucky one might say, but the reality is, the habit of spending and not saving, or spending more than one earns is what leads to debt. As I recognised my fundamental problem and began working on it, I gradually began to get out of debt.

What are the problems you face? Have you identified the fundamental reasons why? Are you working on those issues or are you still blaming it on an unforeseen wind of change? It might take a while to accept, but when you finally begin to work on the foundational things that have caused your long standing issues, only then will you notice that you have begun to make progress.

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40+FAB Blog

A moment cannot really be judged justly without actually gathering facts about the series of events that led up to that moment. You have probably had the unfortunate situation of being judged in a moment where you appeared to be doing something that made you look guilty, and maybe you have also judged others who were in similar circumstances.

The other day my wife left me to take care of our daughter. After about an hour, I changed her nappy and as I was disposing of the used nappy, my wife walked in to find my daughter all alone. I was judged in that moment, but by the time she heard the context of what had been happening for the last hour, I was exonerated from the judgement.

This is one of the reasons why so much time, money and effort is expended by our judicial systems to ensure that citizens are not judged for the moment they were caught in an incident which has a penalty. We must never judge on the basis of a snapshot that we have, but we must take more robust approaches to understand what led to the actual moment. Doing this will save us from making assumptions that could hurt others and in turn hurt us.

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40+FAB Blog

When I look back on my attitude of dismissing the world views of others, I shudder at my total ignorance. For some reason when we begin to practice philosophies that seem right to us, we turn our noses up at the philosophies of others without hearing them out.

The world and the people in it have existed for multiple centuries and every culture has some practises that have stood the test of time and which have a certain wisdom if we would be open enough to understand thier origins.

You may not agree with every practice of another culture, religion or philosophy, however, it takes wisdom, a teachable heart, and maturity to desist from condemning such views without ever having learnt a few things about the origins of thier knowledge and practice .

Listening to another’s point of view or trying to understand it does not water down or disprove your own thoughts and views. What it does is give you insights into something new, and it broadens your views of the world which always leads to greater opportunities you might have otherwise missed.

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40+FAB Blog

The most powerful turning point that we possess is not in the strength of the seven thousand ton ‘Big Bertha’ machine that can pretty much move a mountain. The most powerful turning point we have is TODAY.

Today is what we use to turn an undefined future into a sculpted past. It is the point at which we turn a generation from the mistakes of the past to the possibilities of the future. It is the only point at which a dream can become a reality.

If you understand the importance of turning things around, you will understand the power today possesses to make that happen.

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40+FAB Blog

If I have come to learn anything in all my years of living, it is that things will always change. Some things change very quickly, while others change very slowly. Change occurs as one off events, like the death of a loved one, or as cyclical events, like the various weather seasons of the year.

Because change is inevitable, it therefore surprises me that we sometimes get caught out and are not prepared for the change. There is something about the human nature that prefers to stick with what is known and familiar than having to navigate the troublesome waters of change.

Those involved in financial trading are always studying trends and researching what might change in the markets so that they are best placed to profit from it or not make a huge loss, they bet thier money on things changing.

The outcome of our lives is more valuable than money, so we need to invest the time in understanding the changes that will affect our lives. It is a great part of being successful to bet our lives on change.

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40+FAB Blog

There is nothing like the power of a good story to pass on instruction, information and inspiration. The ability to tell compelling stories is the one ingredient that every great communicator has.

I was reminded about this today as my younger son watched the Disney movie Ratatouille. He came to me in the kitchen and insisted on helping me cook some soup. His usual impatience was well concealed as he asked questions about how to make it, and he listened intently as I explained the process. He then helped me stir, smell and savour the soup.

Because he had been part of the process, he sat down for dinner and licked his plate clean. There were no arguments and no left overs. I am now looking for a good story about how to keep your room clean.

Have you had a hard time getting your point across recently, or have your directions lacked the motivation to get your team moving? Maybe you need to spend some time to find and tell a good story to stir the souls of your listeners to action.

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40+FAB Blog

Have you ever had the misfortune of getting a thorn or a tiny broken piece of glass stuck in the sole of your foot? It is very uncomfortable and will make you give up your decorum as you try to get it out. That discomfort makes us lose a sense of self-consciousness and we block out every opinion criticising our wincing to remove the cause of our pain – the object that is not meant to remain in our body.

Sometimes, I think that the gifts, talents, abilities, and purpose that is embedded somewhere in our souls is like the thorn in our foot, for the simple reason that it is causing a great discomfort, and it is not meant to be hidden away in us but to be brought out and used to serve the world around us.

Some people work in a place that they really hate and would rather be doing something that they are passionate about, however, they keep enduring the pain of what is crying to find expression in thier lives. They are too mindful of what others would think of them if they get all bent out of shape to express thier gifting. No wonder they are so angry and frustrated with everything.

At some point, we have to stop and sit down in the middle of everything going on around us, then reach deep down in ourselves as we begin to bring out what lies within us so we are relieved from having abilities stuck on the inside that have never found expression.

Finally, don’t let the situations you are stuck in to prevent you from bringing out what is stuck in you.

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