40+FAB Blog

Did you hear the joke about the passenger who tapped the taxi driver on the shoulder to ask a question? The driver was startled, shouts and runs the car off the road. He turns round to the passenger and says, don’t ever do that again, I have been driving a funeral van for 25 years and this is my first day on the job as a taxi driver.

Who defines the standard of normal? There are many helpful guidelines that we know to be factual and some we know to be true which determine our frame of reference to what society agrees to be normal.

The main determinant to normal seems to be what people agree it is. A test was conducted where a fire was simulated in an office. Loads of smoke was pumped into the building and the fire alarm was set off. Several staff members were briefed to carry on as normal, and a new staff who was unaware was asked to resume on that day.
The outcome was that each time the test was conducted with a different new staff member, most of them carried on as normal because they saw the other staff members did too, even though they knew that smoke and a fire alarm meant evacuate the building.

Another determinant of normal is what we are used to and have practised for so long in our own space. Just like the new taxi driver was not expecting interaction from his passenger. It had become normal to him to drive bodies that did not move.

Our civilisation is on the verge of defining normal again, but we should be careful to balance what is truth, what we are used to and what majority agree on to get our own sense of normality.

40+FAB Blog

Most people want to feel appreciated and noticed in one way or the other. There are the extroverted bunch who will flamboyantly tout themselves in your face until you acknowledge them and on the other spectrum you have the introverted crew who vie for the same thing hiding behind something brilliant they have worked on.

Whatever spectrum of person you are, whatever social class you belong to or whatever racial or religious background you are from, one thing is certain, you will get noticed for being consistent with something you are doing.

There is however good attention, and bad attention. So you show up at the office 30 minutes early every single working day of the year, chances are someone has noticed and you are likely to get that promotion, all other factors being in place. Conversely, you show up to the office 30 minutes late, every working day of the year. Chances are your name would be on the list of staff to cut back on.

Nelson Mandela was incarcerated for 27 years, but he consistently asked for the same thing, the abolishment of apartheid and the freedoms of the black South African. Not only was he noticed in Africa, but also around the whole world.

Just keep doing what you are doing faithfully, purposefully and joyfully, then before long you will discover that many people have noticed you.

40+FAB Blog

I have noticed and become a firm believer that it is men that give meaning to material things. Apart from the basic necessities of life like food, water, clothes and shelter in their basest form, everything else becomes desirable when we see that another person has it, uses it or wants it.

We always want bigger or better, but then to what end? I got a massive trampoline for my children last summer and they were so excited and used it everyday for a while, then it sat there for about 6 months without being used. As we are all home now, they have started using it again, but only on one condition, that is if I go on it with them.

Somehow, they don’t seem to take as much pleasure in the trampoline as they do in our time together on it. This again reinforces that we derive the value of a thing by who uses it or who we use it with.

Rather than get caught up in things, take a step back and ask yourself why you want that thing, or if you have it already, ask yourself why you enjoy it. Who do you enjoy it with?

Let’s take a moment to really appreciate the people in our lives that make our material things more meaningful.

40+FAB Blog

You will agree that a lack of order is detrimental to any individual or society. The most progressive nations on earth are known for their law and order. The poorest, under-developed nations are known for their disorder. 

One of the questions I struggled with was “how do I create order in my life?” There were times I got it right, but at other times I was a complete mess. Looking at the analogy of a seed, if I had all the right conditions for its growth and planted it and watered it, what was done could not be a one-off exercise. If I do not continue to water the seed regularly, if the sun does not shine daily, if the ground and atmosphere are not constantly there, then even though I had done everything in the proper order, I still would not get any expected results, 

When I started going to the gym regularly, I would see some men looking like the Incredible Hulk. I could lift some of the weights they were lifting at least once, but it did not transform me right then. My personal trainer told me I needed to do the reps (repetitions) of lifting the weight over a period of time to get their results. This all made sense, and it shouted out to me that if I was going to create order in my life, I needed to stick to a routine. 

Sometimes, my wife and I are terribly exhausted at the end of a working day and trying to maintain some semblance of order in our busy lives is difficult. I had to ask my mum the other day, however did you cope with so many children? It’s two of us against our son in my home and we still feel overrun, yet it was many of us against you. How on earth did you do it? She answered, “I had to maintain a routine like we were in a military camp.” 

Routines are powerful and it is the chief way that the human body and mind learns and grows. If I tidied up my kitchen today and restored order in my home, it would not stay like that all week. By the next day after my dinner, the state of the kitchen would be alarming. I would have to clean it up again. Routine is what helps us to maintain order. After a while, the routine becomes such a part of us that it is no longer much of an effort to do it. Like brushing our teeth every morning. It doesn’t feel like a chore, and if we don’t do it, we feel like something is wrong. Let’s not even talk about the bad breath that follows. 

I have learnt the importance of bringing order into every area of my life so my best results can come out of those areas. I have also learnt to follow routines to ensure that my order is maintained. 

40+FAB Blog

As a child I was intrigued by TV shows that depicted a court setting and my favourite scenes were of the Judge hitting his gavel on the table and shouting, “Order! Order in the court!” Anyone who persisted with disorderly conduct was charged with contempt of court. The judge would at best declare a fine or at worst dish out a jail sentence to that individual who would then be taken away by the court bailiff. 

I wondered why this thing called order was so important that one could acquire such harsh penalties for not observing it. Order can be defined as: The disposition of things following one after another, as in space or time; succession or sequence: E.g. the names were listed in alphabetical order. Or, a condition in which each thing is properly disposed with reference to other things and to its purpose; methodical or harmonious arrangement: e.g. you must try to give order to your life. 

Everything in life has some kind of methodical arrangement for its purpose to be fulfilled, and a proper sequence in which that arrangement should come together. Take for instance plants – their purpose is to grow and bear some kind of fruit. First, let’s talk about the conditions to facilitate growth. Remember the scientific experiment of trying to grow beans back in school? We needed the bean seed, soil, water, light, and atmosphere (air). All these had to be arranged in a methodical order for the purpose of growth to happen. The seed goes in the soil, then it is watered , then daylight rises on it and air is available in the atmosphere. If any one factor were missing, it would affect the arrangement and sequence. In other words, it would disrupt the order. The seed would only grow for a while but eventually it would die. In the same vein, if any one of the factors were applied to the seed out of the proper sequence, the seed would likely die. Adding water first, then light and air would make the seed grow only for a little while, but without the soil coming first in the sequence, the seed would struggle to survive. 

We must take time to study the right order for everything in our lives and then ensure that we put it in the right order so we harness the growth potential it all has.

40+FAB Blog

I like the offers that the pizza outlets give us sometimes. One of my favourite is create your own pizza. You have the base stuff and then you decide your own toppings.

I find that you can do the same thing with your mood as well. Life pretty much gives us all the base stuff and any extra toppings you let it. But I have decided to be a customer that creates my own moods.

Here are a few simple ways I have done this: 
Talking to myself – especially when I feel fearful and discouraged. I talk myself out of that negative feeling. 
Singing – even though I don’t have a great voice, I can sing like a maestro in the shower. A good song moves me into the atmosphere of the lyrics of that song. 
Dancing – this is a great mood lifter. Recently my son started asking for my wife and I to dance with him. We would hold hands and do the ‘ring-a ring-a roses’ dance, LOL! What an awesome feeling. 
Praying – calling on the Almighty One in time of difficulty brings hope in the place of despair. 
Walking – I take a good long walk and it has a way of unwinding the pent up frustrations on my mind. 
Sharing – the act of taking what you have and giving part of it to another in need lifts up the soul to tremendous heights. 
Shouting – find somewhere to go and have a good shout for no reason. E.g. like watching a football game. 
Playing a game – there are all kinds of games to play, but I find that physical games with other people are the best. 

I must however point out that when you try to change from one mood to another, especially from a bad one to a good one, everything in you tends to feel awkward, like you are pretending to bring on something that is not real. Well you have to ignore that thinking because if you don’t give in to it, suddenly your mood will change and you will truly be swinging in a pretty good mood. 

Sports persons know this; they have to maintain a positive attitude even when they are losing a game. They employ psychologists that work with them to train them on managing their moods. Once their moods are under control, then their performance can be optimized. I have decided not to allow foul moods to hold me back from performing at my best. I can manage my moods and sway them rather than letting them sway me.

40+FAB Blog

Moods are funny things; they are a reflection of the way we are feeling. That feeling has a huge impact on the way we will perform in whatever thing we have to do. Have you ever been accused of being moody? I have, at different stages of my life.

As a child they told me I complained too much, my aunty used to call me the commissioner of complaints. I kind of liked the title because at least I was a commissioner, LOL! Over the years I have lived through good moods, bad moods, anxious moods, sad moods, happy moods, angry moods and so on. And then, there are the mood swings. Just like a roller coaster ride they take you up and down, round and round and from side to side. 

So what on earth does one do about their moods? I always thought that moods were all powerful and when they were triggered by some event, then just like a pack of stacked cards everything in me would fall under the sway of that mood. Well I am glad my thinking was wrong! 

Bob Marley sang a song with the opening lyrics, “Turn your lights down low…” he was singing about creating another kind of mood. Men trying to grasp the attention of the opposite sex always want to do things that create the right mood; purposefully taking actions to design a certain kind of atmosphere.

I can also think of people that do irritating things almost purposefully to get on one’s nerves. I find that apart from random things happening to bring a mood on, people can also take action to influence a mood too. I have learnt that instead of falling prey to the moods that arise due to circumstances, or the devices of other people, I can create my own moods. 

40+FAB Blog

I was reading an article today in which Warren Buffet said that improving this one skill could make you 50% more productive in life.
Thankfully, it is a skill that everyone can improve regardless of their background – it’s called communication.

A shared understanding is the fruitful outcome of communication, and this does not happen by expressing your point of view only. Experts recommend that you communicate to the other persons style, and that you also listen to them. If you really want to be better at communicating you have to study the person or people you are reaching.

The closer they are to you, the more you need to understudy them. The term understudy is used in theatre to describe a person who studies another’s role in order to be able to act like them.
Kindergarten teachers use this principle to communicate with children, they always literally bend down to the child’s level to speak with them.

At home, at work, or at play, do you take time to study those you need to reach? Do you take time to understand their style, what irritates them, or what excites them? Do you take time to listen to them with an intention to see their point of view?

Taking out a bit more time to understudy your audience, putting yourself in their shoes, will produce great understanding in your communication making you more effective in relationships and in life.

40+FAB Blog

Moving things around sometimes creates desirable results where things were previously stuck.

Sometimes we don’t need anything new in a situation, but we need to look at old things from a new perspective.

There might be more space in your home than your imagined.
There might be more spending ability in your salary than you thought.
There might be more unused time in your day than you were aware of.
There might be more business for your service than you dreamed.

Try this, just move things around from what you are normally used to and see what new things you discover from rearranging.

40+FAB Blog

Don’t get tempted to let the days melt into each other. I am sure you have asked yourself many times this week, “so what day is it?”

I have discovered that a routine is a powerful way to keep yourself going and maintain a semblance of normality. Follow a strict time table as you would normally do when things are normal.
This means that you will get to relax at the weekend, like you normally do, and so there will be an excitement about your weekend.

Even in prison, a routine helps to maintain some sort of order and helps the mental health of inmates.
This is a great time to fill your free time with learning something new by reading, listening to audios or watching videos. Give yourself a target of what you want to achieve in the course of this lockdown.

Remember this quote “What you do daily is what you become permanently.” – Mike Murdock.
My advice to you is, don’t become something (undesirable) permanently, over a temporary situation. Use this season to become better.