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40+FAB Blog

I have found that the typical traits one would display to cope with the appearance of anything that looks like failure are excuses, denials and cover-ups. This was quite typical of the ‘grown-ups’ who acted like they never failed when I was a child.

Another key thing that people do when they fail is to philosophise. I love this quote attributed to the Greek philosopher Socrates, “By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” 

Have you ever noticed that failure somehow brings about the philosopher in you? To philosophise is to investigate the truths and principles of knowledge and in its original form in the Greek language it connotes the love of knowledge. 

Every failure knowingly or unknowingly is seeking to understand why they failed and then they draw some knowledge from that experience. This let me know that a failure is no fool. For if my failure gets me to reflect on my actions and draw out a philosophy from it, then I have gained something valuable, as opposed to the fool who is unequivocally uninterested in any form of wisdom. 

One day I challenged my fear of failure because I thought to myself, “I am mostly afraid of the difficult things that I think I cannot do or have not done, like jumping out of a plane in a sky dive, starting a business, or getting married. But to fail is so easy, common and perhaps inevitable, so why should it fall into the category of things I fear? 

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40+FAB Blog

No one wants to be classified as a failure as most of our societies place a stigma on the unfortunate soul that has been labelled as one. The topic of failure is not the idea of a conversation that most people care to have; in contrast, they would rather explore their more sterling achievements. 

As a child at primary school in Nigeria, I noticed that failure was frowned upon. Pupils were punished for not knowing the right answer. I hated art classes because the art teacher was always poised and ready to dish out his punishment to the one who failed to sketch the bowl of fruit ‘right’. 

Parents were not that supportive either, and I knew of some children who would cry profusely and dread going home because of an ‘F’ on their report cards. The view we developed on failure was that it must not happen, and when it did one felt so low, dejected and condemned. 

A strong impression was created in my mind that teachers and parents were immune to this thing called failure and I just couldn’t wait to grow up to attain this invincible status. 

I developed a fear of failure for the obvious reasons like most other people. If failing is to fall short of an attempted, expected or desired achievement, then, to be afraid of failure is to be afraid to try again. This fear makes expectations and desires of achievement burdensome. 

Failure should not be as demonised as it has been because it is a very important part of learning. Rather than stick to the defence of “Don’t call me a failure”, we should be glad to be identified as a failure at something because it shows that at least we tried.

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40+FAB Blog

From my growing up years I always wondered, “why do I seem to notice more of the ‘bad things’ that people do?” Well, I learned that nothing just happens, someone or something has to make it happen.

The so-called troublemakers were a breed that had a special something that the goody two shoes never seemed to exhibit. They had guts! They made things happen. I guess that’s what made them more popular and not necessarily the things that they did. The bad boy would step out of the class with all swag announcing that he was going to smoke his joint just outside the window and no one could stop him. We would all look on in disbelief and almost applaud him as he turned to leave. I never heard the smartest boy in class announce with such boldness, conviction and authority that he was going to smash sorry pass his tests. Maybe that’s why I never took too much notice of who did the ‘good’ things. 

The one with guts is not afraid to try, or fail at trying. The one with guts pushes the boundaries of the norm and seeks to accomplish what has never been done. The one with guts honestly believes that they can do it no matter what the task. To the one with guts, impossible is nothing. They don’t care if the world around them says it can’t be done, they are determined to prove everyone else wrong. 

The decision to do something noble is commendable, but it’s the guts to do it that distinguishes the good (intentions) from the great (achievements). As the saying goes, “no guts, no glory”. 

I have learnt to have guts and be the one to do the next great thing. Somebody’s going to birth the next great idea, somebody’s going to eradicate a disease, somebody’s going to educate a continent, somebody’s going to raise a president, somebody’s going to start a multibillion pound business, somebody’s going to stop a conflict, somebody’s going to inspire a generation, somebody’s message is going to reach a billion people, somebody’s life is going to make a remarkable difference. Why not me? Why not me! 

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40+FAB Blog

I was on vacation in Jamaica in 2006 when I came across a billboard advertising Guinness. It had the caption “SOMEBODY’S GOING TO DO IT – WHY NOT YOU!” This got me thinking about a mind-set I had developed over the years. 

While growing up, my parents – especially my Mum, would tell us what to do and what not to do. “Don’t go out after 5pm.”, “don’t talk to strangers”, “don’t run across the road”, “don’t eat any more chocolates”, “go and do your homework”, “Go and take a bath”, “Go to bed now!” 

When we asked why we had all these restrictions and couldn’t do the things we wanted, the reply was, “I want you to be good children and I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.” Their concerns were based on some unfortunate happenings to children that we knew or heard about. Things like, a child being hit by a car, somebody’s child was kidnapped, another child got expelled from school and somebody’s child was caught stealing. My parents didn’t want that to be my siblings or me. I soon got the message that something was going to happen to somebody somewhere, and when it did, I was just glad that it wasn’t me. 

In my university years, there was anticipation of news from the rumour mills that kept the campus buzzing. It was clear that every semester somebody was going to get drunk, somebody was going to get pregnant, somebody was going to fail, somebody was going to drop out, somebody was going to get branded a troublemaker, somebody was going to get arrested. Somebody was going to do it or be it! 

I realised that my association of somebody doing something that was worth talking about was always kind of negative. But as there were those landing in trouble, there was also somebody getting a distinction, somebody winning a scholarship, somebody getting an internship, and somebody graduating. 

Somebody is going to do it, let it be you and for the right reasons too.

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40+FAB Blog

Have you ever been in a place where no one seemed to be interested in your name, or they preferred to call you something that was easier for them to relate with and they did that in a rather condescending way?

Consider the following quotes about names, “Names are the sweetest and most important sound in any language” – Dale Carnegie
“A name represents identity, a deep feeling and holds tremendous significance to its owner” – Rachel Ingber

There is something about your name being called that let’s you know you are a part of the community that identifies you with that name.

As we round up the tale about the false tooth fairy, she was asked her name by the dentist and she told him that she did not have one because her former boss preferred to call her by a number, 15. She was soon given the name Ruth Mary, the tooth fairy.

Maybe you have lost a sense of identity, significance or purpose from being put through a system that had no respect for you as a person. There is no time like the present to reassess who you are, and if you feel too broken to do so, then go to another source that is magnanimous enough to call out the good that exists in each and every one of us.

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40+FAB Blog

We either get to a turning point or a breaking point when we are going down the wrong road. Fairy number 15 kept amassing more and more false teeth which the Queen fairy kept using to build her fortunes.

One day, she stumbled upon the jack pot of false teeth in the dentists office. That night she found teeth everywhere on his shelf. The dentist had become really busy making false teeth as all the people in town who used them had theirs already taken by fairy 15.

She packed and packed false teeth in her bag to whisk them back to fairy land, but she was terribly exhausted from carrying more than she should for so many nights in succession. She then lay down to rest in the dentist chair and fell asleep.

The next morning, the dentist found her in his chair, she had been busted. She woke up and cried and cried, knowing she had been found out, was late in reporting back to the Queen fairy and that she would loose her job.

The dentist was kind enough and listened to her plight. She was a product of a broken system, so he asked her if she really wanted to return to that job. She said no and then accepted the offer of the dentist to work for him. The dentist was able to use her skills to aid him in serving the children and old people of the town.

We must seek out a turning point when we realise that we are going down the wrong road. Its never too late to take corrective action to get our life’s purpose back on track. Hope for the good fortune of meeting someone who will appreciate you and your skills, and give you advice that best matches who you are and not what they want to achieve.

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40+FAB Blog

Its hard enough to try and deal with what psychologists have termed the ‘imposter syndrome’ which reflects a belief that you’re an inadequate and incompetent failure despite evidence that indicates you’re skilled and quite successful.

Do you ever find yourself thinking, “Am I really good enough for this role?”, “Will they find out I am no good at this job?”, “Maybe I am a fraud and not well qualified to be doing this”, “All the success I have is down to luck and not any skill I applied”. All these questions are a classic case of self-doubt and the imposter syndrome.

Sometimes we doubt ourselves more than we should, however we become the real imposters when we are not properly instructed on how to do our jobs. This I must stress is not our own making as we see in the story of number 15 the tooth fairy. She was give two bags and a map and expected to find as many children’s teeth as she could during the night shift.

Number 15 obviously was not well instructed on the type of teeth to get because she ended up taking back old peoples false teeth to her boss who also never corrected her mistake but revelled in the great number of false teeth she had brought it. It looked like success, but really it was not.
You may have access to the right tools, but without the right instruction, it does not guarantee the right results.

You are not an imposter, but you must ask yourself, “Have I got the right tools and instruction to do what I am doing?” If the answer is no, then you must do all you can to learn and bring yourself up to speed. Also avoid hanging around those who expect you to perform, not caring how you are able to perform, they will drive you to become a worker on the counterfeit shift.

We will continue the lessons of tooth fairy number 15 in tomorrows blog.

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40+FAB Blog

I love reading story books to my sons. Some of these stories bring back memories of what was read to me as a child, and others are new, but the morals of them as simple as they seem, capture the imagination and calls one to action.

So my son read a book to me as part of his homework called “The False Tooth Fairy” by Julia Donaldson. I learnt so many lessons from that book and ended up buying a copy for myself to read it back to him and point out life lessons that can be learnt from it. I will paraphrase parts of the story to highlight these lessons.

It starts with the Queen tooth fairy who is sending out new recruits. They all get two bags and a map of where to operate. The fairy known as 15 goes to her allocated town of operation and does the best she can to find the teeth of little children.

The fairy’s quest is unfruitful and she is about to give up and head back to base, when she discovers an old man’s false teeth in a cup by his bed, she promptly seizes them and returns to base. Her boss is well pleased with the find but does not express that to her, she only tells her she could do better.

A principle of acknowledging people can be learnt here. The Queen fairy preferred to call everyone by a number rather than by their names. Have you ever felt like you were just a number in the system? That system will never recognise your hard work, just like fairy 15 was not praised for what she had done, but told she should work harder and do more.
That system is only interested in you making up the numbers for their bottom line.

When we ignore people and focus on the numbers to make up the numbers – or our gain, we end up with a system that will soon crash, pretty much like what happened in the 2008 financial crisis.

If you do not see me as more than just a number, you will not acknowledge me for who I truly am. The lack of regard for one another leads humanity to a huge crash.

We will continue the tale of the false tooth fairy in the next blog.

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40+FAB Blog

There are two powerful capacities that the human mind possesses. One is to remember (go back to the past) and the other is to imagine (look into the future). These abilities are always used now (in the present). What I remember could help or hinder me in my today, but what I imagine could open up a new door into a greater tomorrow. 

Someone said the future belongs to the dreamer. If I spend all my time living in regret, I use up all my mental capacity on the past which cannot be changed; I deny myself the experiences of the present which must be engaged, and I limit my capacity for imagining a future in which I am advantaged. 

I have learnt that the only permission that my regrets have to hold me back is the permission I give it when I keep revisiting my past. I have learnt to enjoy the experiences of my present, applying the learning from the past to make it better. I am using the power of my imagination over the power of my memory to see a future that has endless possibility.

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40+FAB Blog

Have you ever been on a journey with a friend and for some reason you missed a turn that caused your journey to be extended by a few extra hours? You don’t stop there and cry about it or relive it or blame each other for it. You try to keep moving until you get back on track and eventually get to your destination. Bad decisions can make it seem like we have wasted years of our life, yet living in regret hinders us from making the adjustment to reroute to our destination. 

“No matter how far off you’ve gone from the mark, 
There is still time to get back on track, 
Don’t waste that season analysing your past, 
But take up the reason to get to your future fast.” 


I have seen that a past – no matter how colourful or colourless it was – has no bearing on what the future could hold. I have seen men come from a past of great depravity yet end up in a place of abundance. There were people who were told that they can’t because of what they had done, yet they ended up achieving what was thought impossible. 

What we are today is a sum total of decisions that we made in the past. If I keep reliving my regrets, I am wasting time recounting decisions that did not help me, thus creating a future that will produce the same results of disappointment. However, if I take lessons from my past and focus on changing what I am doing in my present, then I am guaranteeing a future with a better outcome. 

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